March 1, 2002 by  
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In Your Face

by Roger Gray

By the Way, Enron in Spanish is “Argentina”

Last month, I mentioned that former Enron chief Ken Lay has taken to wearing a burka around town. One can only hope it will be replaced with an orange jumpsuit. There was a moment during the Army-McCarthy hearings when the army’s attorney Joseph Welch turned to the blustering phony from Wisconsin and said courageously, “At long last, have you no decency left, sir?” Given the deceit, influence peddling, self-enrichment, ruined futures and ruined lives for crying out loud, one might reasonably ask the same of the Kenster. If the Justice Department can find someone untainted by Enron’s cash, a Diogenes-level assignment, there is a career to be made in this.

This Just In

Elmer Perkins, a farmer in Marfa, has just recused himself from the Enron case.

Profiles in Courage

Well, actually, there are none. Let’s start with the only president we have. As Bob Dole said and George Will echoed, “Where is the outrage?” First, it’s ridiculous to paint Enron as a nest of Democrats when three-quarters of the $2.3 million in soft money given to both parties in the 1996 and 2000 federal elections, the $900,000 given since 1989 in statewide races, the $329,000 to Sens. Kay Bailey Hutchison and Phil Gramm (whose wife Wendy is an Enron board member and as a couple are the unofficial cabana boys to Enron) went to Republicans. It is weaseling worthy of Bush’s predecessor. So far, it doesn’t appear there was any undue effort expended on Enron’s behalf, but that’s OK. They carried enough Enron water in the past year to embarrass Gunga Din.

Did Dick Cheney lobby India for Enron? One memo seems to indicate the invisible VP was Ken’s messenger boy.

Did Enron flunkies help write the Bush administration’s energy plan? We don’t know because, like Hillary’s health care task force, the meetings were held in secret.

And are we to believe that Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill and Commerce Secretary Donald Evans got a call from Kenneth seeking help to avert the largest bankruptcy in American history and didn’t tell the prez? It’s as tough to swallow as the pretzel deal.

And although Republicans were the primary recipients of Enron’s political ATM, Democrats also have been on the dole, and they are scrambling to cover their tracks. What this illustrates is that John McCain, yet another Enron target, is right. The system stinks, and both parties are mud wrestling in this money pit.

Given that, remember when listening to the evening news and ranting talk show hosts that payback is hell. What would be happening right now if Bill Clinton were president? Three books on the Clinton/Enron scandal would be in galleys as we speak.

Or Perhaps Laura Winged a D-Cell at Him?It?s Happened at The White House Before

I for one have a lot of trouble with the pretzel/collapse story. And if you’re wolfing down pretzels at such a rate that you pull a Mama Cass and end up facedown in the Karastan, the question occurs: What gave you such a bad case of the munchies? As Bush family food events go, though, at least GW didn?t ralph on a foreign dignitary.

And Michael Milkin is Handling City Investments

Does it make all of you feel as secure as it does me to know that our City Council, the electoral equivalent of Homer Simpson, has approved the hiring of – drum roll please – Arthur Andersen Accounting to handle some city business? Mercifully, the motion to hire O.J. as a city pitchman has been tabled.

Hot Off the Wires

Mrs. Ethel Morgenstern, a Wharton housewife, has recused herself from the Enron case.

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