THE RESTAURANT

by Lynn Ashby

The food is overcooked, the waiter is overwhelmed and the menu is overpriced. The bad news is, that’s the good news. This restaurant is so loud I can’t hear myself gag, and it took so long to get served that I had my food carbon dated.

A wise man (me) once noted that there are three things everybody thinks they can do: write a book, publish a newspaper and run a restaurant. The first two challenges are duck soup (which is cold and too salty) compared to properly running an eatery. Still, most people feel they are capable, which is why the Small Business Administration regularly cites restaurants as the Number 1 operation to go bankrupt.

A clue to the dangers of running a diner: have you ever read a restaurant critic’s review which reads, “Ciro’s Italian Ristaurante which was once Billy Boy’s Barbeque before it was Pierre’s French Café &Surrender School, and we remember that spot as Carlos’ Tex-Mex Cantina” and on and on, as the death list of former failures at that spot is ticked off.

But when I win the lottery and own a restaurant, here are a few items you will find when you visit. First, of course, we must obey the cardinal rule of business: location, location, location. For example, my Planned Parenthood franchise in the Vatican was a bummer, as was my topless bar in Salt Lake City. Bad locations, both. On the other hand, a good spot for an all-you-can-eat café would be next to a workout gym or perhaps near a liposuction clinic or an anorexic treatment center.

What inviting name should I use? The chi-chi cafes now have stupid and meaningless titles like “345” or “Jbt.” Does anyone have a clue as to what those names indicate, and does it make you want to eat there? As with bad locations, I have made mistakes in naming my previous diners. There was my Gene Autry steak house, Happy Entrails to You, which didn’t go over too well. Neither did my Dublin club for CPAs, when IRS Eyes Are Smiling. I opened a pub for rural hicks returning from Iraq, the Shucks &Aw, but it died. The George W. Bush Presidential Library was underway, so I tried to open a café for bond jumpers called Missin’ Accomplice. Laura turned me down and Cheney turned me in. And I should not have named my low calorie diner in the D/F Airport, “Crash Diet for a Terminal Experience.”

But this time I’ve got everything right. My new place is in Austin in the former Governor’s Mansion. The structure is currently empty and the next occupant is undetermined, so the state was glad to get the rent. As for the name, I’ll be catering to the Capitol press corps, so I’m calling my restaurant the Crow Eatery. (motto: “Newspapers are a rare medium, well done.”)

Here you will find waiters and waitresses who don’t mind being called just that, and not the PC titles, waitpersons or waitstaff. Do you call actors and actresses, “stagepersons” or seek redress for womental anguish? My staff will be efficient and quick, and, after receiving your payment, they will not say, “Do you want your change?” Hey, wait-staff-person, as a customer I will decide the tip. If I don’t want the change, I’ll say, “Keep the change.”

Speaking of tips, customers are expected to be generous. Your servers are on their feet all night hustling orders, oftentimes dealing with jerks, which may be you. They also wait, who only stand and serve. But remember that in most Texas towns there is an 8.25 percent sales tax. Don’t tip on the tax.

Have you noticed at restaurants, cafes and truck stops the bus/girl boy will go from table to table wiping off all the spilled beer, leftover chili and cigarette ashes, then come to your table and do the same thing? How long has that rag been wiping, and what varmints are being spread throughout the place? After the tabletop transfer of unknown diseases, you put your (hopefully) clean knife, fork and spoon down on that same table, then, when the food arrives, you stick the utensil in your mouth. Yuk!

You don’t have to be Howard Hughes wandering around in Kleenex boxes to worry. So you can either bring along your own utensils or eat with your fingers. At my restaurant, bus boys/girls will have disposable socks on their hands. Also, straws will be offered, especially for glasses that still bear lipstick.

Parents of disruptive children will be warned. If no action is taken (I recommend duct tape) the parents will be sent home and the children kept for ransom. Another point: The menu will be only one page, so the food in the kitchen moves faster. Always be wary of restaurants that have pages of offerings. It means those pork chops have been in the freezer since Easter. (TGI Friday’s used to have a book for a menu, but has gotten better.) Some restaurants are too loud. When I go out to dinner, I go to eat, drink, and visit. I won’t pay in order to shout. My place will be so quiet you can hear your mind change or a name drop. Along these lines, customers using cell phones will be pureed and fricasseed.

I have to take a sweater to any dinner, no matter the time of year. Restaurants are freezing because the chef and the waiters control the thermostat. They are sweating like David Letterman on Secretary’s Day, while the sedentary customers are shivering. At the Crow Eatery, customers will control the thermostat. If there is a difference of opinion about the temperature, the table that orders the most expensive items wins.

Finally, in the Marines there was a sign in the mess hall, “Take all you want. Eat all you take.” It is immoral to waste food, so I’ll charge for leftovers. Think of the starving ex-restaurateurs.

Ashby waits at ashby5@comcast.net Reply Forward Reply

Fall in Love with Santa Fe All Over Again

By Laurette Veres, Editor in Chief

Santa Fe speaks to you. Whether meandering through the center of town, or hiking the mountainous exterior, the holistic energy surrounding this land has summoned artists and adventurous spirits for many years. Made famous by Georgia O’Keeffe, this land inspires many who cannot stay away.

La Posada De Santa Fe Resort and Spa is a landmark hotel in the downtown city scene. Originally, home to artisans who made the trek from New York City, today the hotel plays host to weddings, corporate meetings, vacationers and spa goers looking to unwind.

For Art’s Sake
In keeping with the artistic spirit, La Posada has hired its first in-house curator, Sara Eyestone. Originally from Texas, Eyestone meticulously handpicks each artist to showcase the revolving art on display throughout the grounds. She invites guests to experience the art, connect and get to know the artists before making a purchase. Her advice? “Follow your heart when buying art.”

Serenity Now
With an eye towards sustainability and casual elegance, La Posada’s spa is keeping with up the eco-times. New certified “eco” products are on the menu that blends total body wellness and anti-aging. Laura Parsons, spa director makes sure treatments are broadly focused. The Turquoise Trail Facial also includes a neck and scalp massage as well as light foot acupuncture. “There is a movement to whole body wellness,” Parsons says. “We want [the benefits of] your treatment to last for hours, if not days, after you leave.”

Wedded Bliss
A perfect way to enjoy this city is to attend a destination wedding. Guests enjoy southwestern cuisine and the intimate, spiritual appeal that makes Santa Fe such an inviting destination. The famous Loretto Chapel is the perfect setting for romantic nuptials.

David Stone, catering and conferences service manager at La Posada suggests a tented lounge with high and low seating as a pre-reception function. You are in Santa Fe – be sure to serve authentic Southwestern cuisine. Chile Relleno or Pulled chicken breast in Mole Negro are crowd pleasers. He also recommends a casual rehearsal dinner. “It’s a casual time for weary travelers to get together. Don’t be too formal – you risk competing with your reception,” says Stone.

For those in need of a museum or art gallery fix, try wandering Canyon Road. Here you’ll find everything from traditional Indian art to contemporary installations in numerous galleries on the narrow, winding road.

Or try the Wheelwright Museum of the American Indian, where significant Indian art hangs on display. Don’t forget to check out the Case Trading Post shop downstairs in the museum for jewelry, art and authentic Indian crafts. Handcrafted special turquoise jewelry by locally renowned artists such as Mike Bird-Romero can be found here with only a few specialty pieces in each design.

Located ten minutes outside of Santa Fe, another resort plays host to movie stars and other famed New Mexico residents. Think Robert Redford popping over to the pool for a quick snack. Encantado Resort Santa Fe is situated on a bluff overlooking one of the area’s most picturesque mountain ranges. The resort features exquisitely maintained casitas, each with a mountain view, that ooze the sophistication and intimate, almost mystical appeal of the outdoors. The spa seamlessly fits in with the surrounding environment, one of calm serenity. Featuring both indoor and outdoor showers, steam, and sauna, the resort spa and pool area provides that extra elegant spark.

A member of the Leading Small Hotels of the World, Encantado Resort features Terra Restaurant, one of the highlights of any culinary excursion in the entire area. Boasting a majestic view of the surrounding vistas, the restaurant sources local organic ingredients for a dining experience that simply cannot be missed. From the seven herb ravioli to the brick roasted organic New Mexican chicken or sage-rubbed rib-eye, Chef Charles Dale knows how to construct both an artful and memorable tasting meal. Desert is not to be missed. After all, you’re in the dessert.

Essentials

www.RockResorts.com
www.casetradingpost.com
www.encantadoresort.com

The Mall

THE MALL — Colorful eggs, cute baskets and nice spring bonnets are being set up as stores gear up for Easter. Long gone are hearts and candy for Valentine’s Day. Christmas gifts left unsold have been repossessed by China and the yuletide wreathes are back in storage. Good thing, too. My neighborhood mall began setting up Christmas trees, Nutcracker soldiers and Little Drummer Boys just after Labor Day, and they were getting a bit shopworn. You have no doubt completed your shopping for Christmas — or “holidays” as the season is now called so as not to anger worshipers of every faith including disciples of the saxophone section of the Coast Guard Band. But if you are one of those procrastinators who gets extensions on your income tax filings and birth of your children, then you’ve come to the right place because, as usual, I have some advice. First, make a list of everyone who didn’t give you a present last year. Draw a line through each name. Then make a list of people who deserve a present. Start with spouse, significant other or life partner. Be careful of which title you use. (See: Christmas, above) Add siblings who invite you and your family over for Thanksgiving Day and say, “Don’t bring a thing.” If, however, they want you to bring a cooked turkey, wine or plasma TV for the big game, put them on the first list. Don’t forget your parole officer, accomplice, eyewitnesses and the lab technician handling your DNA. Some people believe they should give a present to those who have simply made their lives easier and better in the past year, such as the mail carrier, garbagemen, paper thrower and, especially, newspaper columnists. A good bottle of malt Scotch is recommended. Holiday office parties are common, except at GM and Madoff Investments. For corporate survivors, they have Secret Santas whereby everyone in the office anonymously gives a small gift and each employee gets one. A good present is anything you can lift from the company supply room. Don’t forget to suck up to the boss with something he or she deserves. I recommend fawning admiration. Otherwise, your own present may be a pink slip. Next, figure out how much you want to spend on presents. Then divide by 2. Now you are ready. Go to the nearest Dollar Store and shop till your drop, or are picked up by the surveillance cameras. But do not fall into the trap of giving what we seasoned shoppers call “stuff.” You know, knickknacks to put around the house. This includes collectibles — whatever they are — ashtrays from the 1962 New York World’s Fair and autographed photos of you shaking hands with guards at Abu Grabe. The late comedian George Carlin had a whole routine about stuff. Most people have too much stuff and don’t want any more. I already have so much stuff that anything which comes in the front door requires that something go out the back door, although I am in desperate need of a back door. Other underappreciated gifts include Polyester leisure suits, a vacation in Juarez, bundled derivatives and pet sloths. Figure that if the recipients can’t eat, drink or inhale it, they don’t want it. So what are good gifts? A free pass at the next death panel hearing is handy. I have an uncle who asked for longer visiting hours. Ties are a common holiday gift, but be considerate: knot them first. Botox treatments might seem original, but you never know how the recipient will react. The same for tattoo removals. Books are big for your literate relatives. Some might like “The Wit and Wisdom of Timothy Geitner.” UT-Austin has a Guttenberg Bible which you could give to a dear friend or sell to a fence. Picture books are also a fine gift. A nice touch is to include the Crayolas. You can’t beat cold cash. Yes, a gift of a dollar bill is impersonal, shows you don’t care enough to give a thoughtful present. But have you ever heard of anyone who said, “I don’t want your dirty money.”? Do not give gift certificates. I’ve been burned a total of $250 in gift certificates to restaurants that went out of business by New Year’s Day. In this economy, a gift card to the U.S. Mint is iffy. Magazine subscriptions are also dangerous. Last year I gave two life-time subscriptions to Gourmet. When it went under, I was offered, as replacements, Liver Lovers Monthly or Flu-Free Pork Recipes. But let’s assume you work for Goldman Sachs as an assistant clerk in the Bailout Division and want to go through your $45 million bonus, so money is no object. Check this year’s Neiman’s Christmas Catalogue. How about his and her states? Maybe a suit made of lobster. For the man of the house, season tickets to Miss January. On Page 34 is Rent-a-Congressman. For the market value price, a hacker will totally destroy your competitor’s financial records, except for the off-the-books files which will be forwarded on to the IRS. It may, indeed, be better to give than to receive, but there in etiquette to properly accepting a gift. If, for example, your snide cousin gives you a trip to Detroit, you just smile and say, “How thoughtful.” Or, perhaps, “Just what I’ve always wanted.” Feel free to react differently if it’s a one-way ticket. If the present is ticking, slowly back away. Children like to give their parents something they painted at school during Zero Tolerance lockdown. Parents should not ask, “What the heck is this?” If it looks like a drooling camel or a Rorschach test, no matter. Proudly stick it on the refrigerator next to the house repossession notice. Just above Miss January. Finally, remember that it is not the gift itself that matters, it’s the thought that counts. If you’ve got a thought that can count, you are a very strange person. Ashby is gift-wrapped at ashby2@comcast.net

Catch the Washington Wave

The Washington Wave, Houston’s 1st Official Jitney Service in 15 years, makes mobility between popular cultural, entertainment, residential and business destinations within the Washington Avenue District easy, affordable and safe with a growing fleet of buses and centralized parking on Houston Avenue. The Wave is on a mission to change Houstonian’s perception of public transportation by promoting the ease of movement, encouraging transit use and enhancing existing public transportation systems, while also reducing congestion and improving public safety.

The Washington Wave is a locally owned, private, officially permitted “jitney” service company created to enhance the economic urban development of the Washington Corridor while helping to improve public safety, enhance residential and business development, and improve the quality of life within the City of Houston Super Neighborhood 22. The jitney services patrons who park in their 450-space parking lot on Houston Avenue as well as pedestrians in the area who “wave.”

Responding to Lynn Ashby

Mr. Lynn Ashby H Texas

Dear Mr. Ashby:

Everybody talks about carbon footprints.

Turns out the water footprint from energy is just as important. If not more so.

Here’s why: It takes an enormous amount of water to generate electricity. And it takes an enormous amount of electricity to move water.

Example: One 60-watt light bulb burning 12 hours a day will consume at the power plant 3000-6000 gallons of water in a year.

A laptop computer uses 200 gallons a year.

If you live in Arizona, multiply those numbers by 7. If you get your electricity from a hydropower, multiply by 18.

That’s a lot of water for not much light.

That is how water and energy are connected. But no one is talking about it.

This is important because we are wasting a lot of water and power because we ignore this connection.

Example: In the California and Nevada desert, several large solar thermal power plants are being built. These plants require a great deal of water — in the desert?

Bottom line: There are only two types of power that do not require massive amounts of water: Wind and photovoltaic solar — the kind found on rooftops at homes, schools, wineries, army bases, and the like.

This is a much better solution that building power plants in the desert that need water we do not have, to generate power we do not need.

I am the CEO of one of the largest solar energy firms in the country.

If how water and energy are connected sounds like a story, I’d be happy to help any way I can. There’s been a lot of stuff in the academic world, but not much in the popular press.

Sincerely,

Tom Rooney

Environmental Impact of Fashion Industry

Dear EarthTalk: Can you enlighten on the environmental impact of the fashion industry? As I understand it, the industry overall is no friend to the environment. — Tan Cheng Li, Malaysia

According to the non-profit Earth Pledge, today some 8,000 synthetic chemicals are used throughout the world to turn raw materials into textiles. Domestically, the U.S. Department of Agriculture reports that one-quarter of all pesticides used nationwide go toward growing cotton, primarily for the clothing industry. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency considers many domestic textile manufacturing facilities to be hazardous waste generators; and lax standards and enforcement in developing countries, where the majority of textiles are produced, means that untold amounts of pollution are likely being deposited into local soils and waterways in regions that can hardly stand further environmental insult.

Luz Claudio, writing in Environmental Health Perspectives, considers the way Americans and Europeans shop for clothes as “waste couture”: Fashion is low-quality and sold at “prices that make the purchase tempting and the disposal painless.” Yet this sort of so-called “fast fashion” leaves a pollution footprint, with each step of the clothing life cycle generating potential environmental and occupational hazards.

According to Technical Textile Markets, a quarterly trade publication, demand for man-made fibers such as petroleum-derived polyester has nearly doubled in the last 15 years. “The manufacture of polyester and other synthetic fabrics is an energy-intensive process requiring large amounts of crude oil,” reports Claudio. In addition, she says, the processes emit volatile organic compounds and solvents, particulate matter, acid gases such as hydrogen chloride, and other production by-products into the air and water.

“Issues of environmental health and safety do not apply only to the production of man-made fabrics,” says Claudio, citing subsidies to the pesticide-laden cotton industry that keep prices low and production high.

In an effort to green up the industry, Earth Pledge launched its FutureFashion initiative in 2005 to promote the use of renewable, reusable and non-polluting materials and production methods. Besides putting on its own FutureFashion showcases, the group organized the January 2008 New York Fashion Week, encouraging designers to create and showcase greener clothing on their runway models. Green-leaning designers can also pick through Earth Pledge’s library of 600 sustainably produced textiles, including organic cotton as well as exotic materials such as sasawashi, pina, bamboo, milk protein, and sea leather.

Another effort underway to speed the fashion industry into a carbon-constrained future is the Ethical Fashion Forum, which provides a variety of tools and resources and runs training sessions and networking events to help facilitate moving the industry towards more sustainable practices.

One stumbling block to the greening of fashion is that only a small number of consumers—some analysts say less than one percent—will pay more for a greener shirt. But if the industry itself can improve its footprint from the inside and drive the costs of more eco-friendly materials and processes down, the benefits will trickle down to consumers, whether they are bargain-conscious or fashion-conscious.

CONTACTS: Environmental Health Perspectives, www.ehponline.org; Earth Pledge, www.earthpledge.org; Ethical Fashion Forum, www.ethicalfashionforum.com.

SEND YOUR ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTIONS TO: EarthTalk®, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/archives.php. EarthTalk® is now a book! Details and order information at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalkbook. EarthTalk® From the Editors of E/The Environmental Magazine

Dear EarthTalk: It has been said that global warming will bring a new ice age. Is this true or only fiction? — Nitisha Jain, Delhi, India

While no one can be sure what and how severe the effects of global warming will be, it is entirely possible that one outcome of our profligate use of fossil fuels could be an ice age. The theory goes that a warming-induced influx of cold, fresh water into the North Atlantic from melting polar ice caps and glaciers could shut down the Gulf Stream, an underwater channel of warm ocean water that winds its way north from the Caribbean and moderates temperatures in the northeastern U.S. and Western Europe.

The result, some scientists speculate, would be a return to ice age conditions. In the extreme, glaciers and freezing temperatures would render large swaths of the civilized world uninhabitable and would kill off untold numbers of species unable to move or adapt. A less dire version would still cause bitterly cold winters, droughts, worldwide desertification and crop failures, and trigger resource wars across the globe.

Of course, over the history of geological time the planet has endured vast shifts in temperature and many ice ages and subsequent warm-ups. The last major ice age peaked about 20,000 years ago, when extensive ice sheets covered large parts of what we now call North America, Europe and Asia. Many climate scientists believe the planet oscillates between warmer and colder periods without human intervention due to various factors related to its orbital path and also variations in heat output from the Sun on a millennial scale—and that we are naturally heading toward another ice age, regardless of greenhouse gas emissions, over the next several dozen millennia.

But others believe those very emissions might just save us from the freezing throes of another ice age. In a study published in the September 4, 2009 issue of the Science magazine, researchers report that human-induced climate change is quite possibly fending off what had been presumed to be an inevitable descent into a new ice age based on data collected across various Arctic regions in recent years.

The study found that after a slow cooling of less than half a degree Fahrenheit per millennium as a result of a cyclical change in the orientation of the North Pole and the Sun, the Arctic warmed by some 2.2 degrees just since 1900, with the decade from 1998 to 2008 the warmest in 2,000 years. Without human intervention, researchers would expect summer temperatures in the Arctic to cool for another 4,000 years or so as the North Pole gets further from the Sun, but in fact, researchers believe, global warming is reversing this trend.

“The slow cooling trend is trivial compared to the warming that’s been happening and that’s in the pipeline,” reports the study’s lead author Darrell S. Kaufman of the University of Arizona. Of course, only time will tell whether our relatively short-term flood of pollutants will have a pronounced long-term effect on the planet’s geological-scale warming/cooling dynamic. In the meantime, most responsible individuals and governments are working to lower their carbon footprints to try to take man back out of the climate equation once and for all. Hopefully our grandkids’ grandkids will be around to thank us.

CONTACT: Science Magazine, www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/short/325/5945/1236.

SEND YOUR ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTIONS TO: EarthTalk®, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/archives.php. EarthTalk® is now a book! Details and order information at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalkbook.

How Cool are You?

THE UN-COMFORT ZONE with Robert Wilson

How Cool are You?

My sons recently started talking about being cool, and I recalled my own teenage years and the need to be cool. That driving desire dictated the clothes I wore, the music I listened to, and what subjects I became conversant in. And, yet despite all my motivation and effort, it remained elusive.

When I look back, I can see that all I really wanted was to be accepted, liked and admired. But, whatever I tried, I never quite felt cool enough. The problem was that I didn’t really understand the term until I’d spent a few years living and working in the real world.

So, I explained to my kids, “Cool is when there’s a problem and you do not get upset by it. When everyone else is panicking, rushing around and over reacting, the cool person is the one who stays calm, assesses the situation, then makes a reasoned decision on what to do.”

One day, I’ll tell them about Frances Healan, my friend who completely owned this concept. Mrs. Healan walked with a limp, and I learned that she had a severe condition or injury that could deteriorate and prevent her from ever walking again. That diagnosis was simply unacceptable to her. She had three daughters and two sons, all less than two years apart, with whom she had to keep up. Instead she ignored the pain and struggled to maintain the ability to walk under her own power. I never once knew her to mention the pain she continued to endure.

I met her when my friend Tony started dating Becky, the wildest of her children, and I dated Becky’s best friend. It was while Tony and I waited for our dates to get ready, that I learned what an amazing conversationalist Mrs. Healan was. She would talk of her family and friends, of movies and novels. Pleasant stories that had no impact on my life or the world, and yet they were irresistibly soothing and peaceful. Meanwhile, with five rambunctious kids and their friends, hers was the house on the street where everything happened. It was a tumultuous environment of laughter one moment and tears the next as young personalities came together then clashed. Nothing ever seemed to rattle Mrs. Healan, she was always calm and relaxed.

Tony and Becky didn’t last very long, but I refused to give up those wonderful conversations and started showing up just to hang out. Over the years, I realized that whenever my own life got a little stressed, I was drawn to the Healan household. Once there I would just sit and listen to Mrs. Healan’s stories and absorb her serene energy. I was rejuvenated by her presence.

I never planned any of those visits. I would just start to feel the need, and before I knew it, was in the car driving. Those visits continued for years. Eventually the cumulative responsibilities of work, marriage and children made my life too busy for the simple pleasure of spending an afternoon with Mrs. Healan.

A few years ago she died of lung cancer. Frances was never a smoker, but a critical spot on her lung was missed on a routine chest xray. Her oncologist said that if he’d seen the xray when it was taken he could have saved her life. Despite that Frances Healan was never bitter. Even though I had not seen her in years, her children called me to visit on her last day. When I arrived, her daughter Judy said, “Look Mama, it’s Bobby Wilson.” Mrs. Healan raised her head and said, “Bobby Wilson! Who’s dying?” We all laughed. That moment sums up her life for me. Facing death she maintained her sense of humor. She was quite simply the coolest person I’ve ever known.

Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. is a motivational speaker and humorist. He works with companies that want to be more competitive and with people who want to think like innovators. For more information on Robert’s programs please visit www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com.

———– Publishing Information ———-

This article is offered free of charge on a nonexclusive basis. The copyright is retained by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. You may reprint or post this material, as long as my name (Robert Evans Wilson, Jr.) and contact information (www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com) are included. If you publish it, please send a copy to Jumpstart Your Meeting! PO Box 190146, Atlanta, GA 31119. If you post it, please send the URL to robert@jumpstartyourmeeting.com.

The Warehouse Sale

The Warehouse sale after Thanksgiving Blowout sale. Nove 27, 28, 29th 2009.

The Westin Galleria Houston Galleria Ballroom 5060 W. Alabama St. Houston, TX 77056

80% off designer brands: 7 For All Mankind AG Jeans Antik Denim BCBG Max Azria Lucky Brand True Religion

Register for invitation: www.thewarehousesale.com

The Largest Entreprenurial Street

Hundreds of member companies and Houstonians to gather at EOTRIBE09 to share ideas and celebrate the vital role entrepreneurs play in job creation, innovation and economic recovery.

Houston, TX (November 2, 2009) — On November 19, 2009, EOTRIBE09 will transform Houston’s Mid-Town into the largest entrepreneurial street festival ever held. The Entrepreneurs’ Organization of Houston hosts the event, which is part of EO24, a real-time continuum over a 24-hour span, across 65 events, encompassing 100 EO chapters across 24 countries. The goal of the festival is for entrepreneurs, business professionals, students and sponsor organizations to come together to share ideas and celebrate the vital role entrepreneurs play in innovation, job creation and economic recovery. The festival takes place in Mid-Town Park and surrounding venues from 10:00 a.m. to sundown, and is open to everyone. EOTRIBE09 will consist of guest speakers, leadership lunches, business coaching, breakout sessions on various topics, street performers, and an after-party social mixer. Admission is FREE (Leadership Lunch tickets are available at ).

“Entrepreneurs are ready to lead the economy back to prosperity and this event will celebrate that spirit,” said Ron Merrill, Learning Director of EO Houston.

The EO24 experience will be captured around the world through Webcasts, EOtv, the Global Entrepreneurship Week Blog, Twitter, Facebook and other forms of traditional and new media.

About EO Houston The Houston Chapter of The Entrepreneurs’ Organization was founded in 1993. In 15 years it has grown to include 160 members with combined revenues of over $1 billion and employing over 6000 people. Member companies include advertising, computer services, real estate development, manufacturing, logistics, telecommunications, health and human resources to name a few. Member companies are leaders in their respective fields winning such accolades as “Best Place to Work,” “Fastest Growth Companies,” and “Fast Tech 50.” About the Entrepreneurs’ Organization The Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) — for entrepreneurs only — is a dynamic global network of more than 7,300 business owners in 42 countries. Founded in 1987 by a group of young entrepreneurs, EO is the catalyst that enables entrepreneurs to learn and grow from each other, leading to greater business success and an enriched personal life. Membership in one of EO’s 116 chapters is by invitation only; the average member is 40 years old with annual revenues of US$17.3 million. For more information on EO, visit www.eonetwork.org or call +1.703.519.6700.

The Restaurant

THE RESTAURANT — The food is overcooked, the waiter is overwhelmed and the menu is overpriced. The bad news is, that’s the good news. This restaurant is so loud I can’t hear myself gag, and it took so long to get served that I had my food carbon dated.

A wise man (me) once noted that there are three things everybody thinks they can do: write a book, publish a newspaper and run a restaurant. The first two challenges are duck soup (which is cold and too salty) compared to properly running an eatery. Still, most people feel they are capable, which is why the Small Business Administration regularly cites restaurants as the Number 1 operation to go bankrupt.

A clue to the dangers of running a diner: have you ever read a restaurant critic’s review which reads, “Ciro’s Italian Ristaurante which was once Billy Boy’s Barbeque before it was Pierre’s French Café &Surrender School, and we remember that spot as Carlos’ Tex-Mex Cantina” and on and on, as the death list of former failures at that spot is ticked off.

But when I win the lottery and own a restaurant, here are a few items you will find when you visit. First, of course, we must obey the cardinal rule of business: location, location, location. For example, my Planned Parenthood franchise in the Vatican was a bummer, as was my topless bar in Salt Lake City. Bad locations, both. On the other hand, a good spot for an all-you-can-eat café would be next to a workout gym or perhaps near a liposuction clinic or an anorexic treatment center.

What inviting name should I use? The chi-chi cafes now have stupid and meaningless titles like “345” or “Jbt.” Does anyone have a clue as to what those names indicate, and does it make you want to eat there? As with bad locations, I have made mistakes in naming my previous diners. There was my Gene Autry steak house, Happy Entrails to You, which didn’t go over too well. Neither did my Dublin club for CPAs, when IRS Eyes Are Smiling. I opened a pub for rural hicks returning from Iraq, the Shucks &Aw, but it died. The George W. Bush Presidential Library was underway, so I tried to open a café for bond jumpers called Missin’ Accomplice. Laura turned me down and Cheney turned me in. And I should not have named my low calorie diner in the D/F Airport, “Crash Diet for a Terminal Experience.”

But this time I’ve got everything right. My new place is in Austin in the former Governor’s Mansion. The structure is currently empty and the next occupant is undetermined, so the state was glad to get the rent. As for the name, I’ll be catering to the Capitol press corps, so I’m calling my restaurant the Crow Eatery. (motto: “Newspapers are a rare medium, well done.”)

Here you will find waiters and waitresses who don’t mind being called just that, and not the PC titles, waitpersons or waitstaff. Do you call actors and actresses, “stagepersons” or seek redress for womental anguish? My staff will be efficient and quick, and, after receiving your payment, they will not say, “Do you want your change?” Hey, wait-staff-person, as a customer I will decide the tip. If I don’t want the change, I’ll say, “Keep the change.”

Speaking of tips, customers are expected to be generous. Your servers are on their feet all night hustling orders, oftentimes dealing with jerks, which may be you. They also wait, who only stand and serve. But remember that in most Texas towns there is an 8.25 percent sales tax. Don’t tip on the tax.

Have you noticed at restaurants, cafes and truck stops the bus/girl boy will go from table to table wiping off all the spilled beer, leftover chili and cigarette ashes, then come to your table and do the same thing? How long has that rag been wiping, and what varmints are being spread throughout the place? After the tabletop transfer of unknown diseases, you put your (hopefully) clean knife, fork and spoon down on that same table, then, when the food arrives, you stick the utensil in your mouth. Yuk!

You don’t have to be Howard Hughes wandering around in Kleenex boxes to worry. So you can either bring along your own utensils or eat with your fingers. At my restaurant, bus boys/girls will have disposable socks on their hands. Also, straws will be offered, especially for glasses that still bear lipstick.

Parents of disruptive children will be warned. If no action is taken (I recommend duct tape) the parents will be sent home and the children kept for ransom. Another point: The menu will be only one page, so the food in the kitchen moves faster. Always be wary of restaurants that have pages of offerings. It means those pork chops have been in the freezer since Easter. (TGI Friday’s used to have a book for a menu, but has gotten better.) Some restaurants are too loud. When I go out to dinner, I go to eat, drink, and visit. I won’t pay in order to shout. My place will be so quiet you can hear your mind change or a name drop. Along these lines, customers using cell phones will be pureed and fricasseed.

I have to take a sweater to any dinner, no matter the time of year. Restaurants are freezing because the chef and the waiters control the thermostat. They are sweating like David Letterman on Secretary’s Day, while the sedentary customers are shivering. At the Crow Eatery, customers will control the thermostat. If there is a difference of opinion about the temperature, the table that orders the most expensive items wins.

Finally, in the Marines there was a sign in the mess hall, “Take all you want. Eat all you take.” It is immoral to waste food, so I’ll charge for leftovers. Think of the starving ex-restaurateurs.

Ashby waits at ashby5@comcast.net Reply Forward Reply

ashby2 to me show details Nov 3 (1 day ago) Got it. Thanks. Lynn

—– Original Message —– From: Laurette Editor In Chief To: ashby2 Sent: 2009-11-04 1:16 Subject: Re: Ashby column

Www.htexas.com. Is the site we have had for six years

Sent from my iPhone – Show quoted text –

On Oct 29, 2009, at 3:59 PM, “ashby2” wrote:

> Does QP still have a web site? My old addresss doesn’t work. Lynn > > > > By Lynn Ashby > > > > THE RESTAURANT — The food is overcooked, the waiter is overwhelmed and the menu is overpriced. The bad news is, that’s the good news. This restaurant is so loud I can’t hear myself gag, and it took so long to get served that I had my food carbon dated. > > A wise man (me) once noted that there are three things everybody thinks they can do: write a book, publish a newspaper and run a restaurant. The first two challenges are duck soup (which is cold and too salty) compared to properly running an eatery. Still, most people feel they are capable, which is why the Small Business Administration regularly cites restaurants as the Number 1 operation to go bankrupt. > > A clue to the dangers of running a diner: have you ever read a restaurant critic’s review which reads, “Ciro’s Italian Ristaurante which was once Billy Boy’s Barbeque before it was Pierre’s French Café &Surrender School, and we remember that spot as Carlos’ Tex-Mex Cantina” and on and on, as the death list of former failures at that spot is ticked off. > > But when I win the lottery and own a restaurant, here are a few items you will find when you visit. First, of course, we must obey the cardinal rule of business: location, location, location. For example, my Planned Parenthood franchise in the Vatican was a bummer, as was my topless bar in Salt Lake City. Bad locations, both. On the other hand, a good spot for an all-you-can-eat café would be next to a workout gym or perhaps near a liposuction clinic or an anorexic treatment center. > > What inviting name should I use? The chi-chi cafes now have stupid and meaningless titles like “345” or “Jbt.” Does anyone have a clue as to what those names indicate, and does it make you want to eat there? As with bad locations, I have made mistakes in naming my previous diners. There was my Gene Autry steak house, Happy Entrails to You, which didn’t go over too well. Neither did my Dublin club for CPAs, when IRS Eyes Are Smiling. I opened a pub for rural hicks returning from Iraq, the Shucks &Aw, but it died. The George W. Bush Presidential Library was underway, so I tried to open a café for bond jumpers called Missin’ Accomplice. Laura turned me down and Cheney turned me in. And I should not have named my low calorie diner in the D/F Airport, “Crash Diet for a Terminal Experience.” > > But this time I’ve got everything right. My new place is in Austin in the former Governor’s Mansion. The structure is currently empty and the next occupant is undetermined, so the state was glad to get the rent. As for the name, I’ll be catering to the Capitol press corps, so I’m calling my restaurant the Crow Eatery. (motto: “Newspapers are a rare medium, well done.”) > > Here you will find waiters and waitresses who don’t mind being called just that, and not the PC titles, waitpersons or waitstaff. Do you call actors and actresses, “stagepersons” or seek redress for womental anguish? My staff will be efficient and quick, and, after receiving your payment, they will not say, “Do you want your change?” Hey, wait-staff-person, as a customer I will decide the tip. If I don’t want the change, I’ll say, “Keep the change.” > > Speaking of tips, customers are expected to be generous. Your servers are on their feet all night hustling orders, oftentimes dealing with jerks, which may be you. They also wait, who only stand and serve. But remember that in most Texas towns there is an 8.25 percent sales tax. Don’t tip on the tax. > > Have you noticed at restaurants, cafes and truck stops the bus/girl boy will go from table to table wiping off all the spilled beer, leftover chili and cigarette ashes, then come to your table and do the same thing? How long has that rag been wiping, and what varmints are being spread throughout the place? After the tabletop transfer of unknown diseases, you put your (hopefully) clean knife, fork and spoon down on that same table, then, when the food arrives, you stick the utensil in your mouth. Yuk! > > You don’t have to be Howard Hughes wandering around in Kleenex boxes to worry. So you can either bring along your own utensils or eat with your fingers. At my restaurant, bus boys/girls will have disposable socks on their hands. Also, straws will be offered, especially for glasses that still bear lipstick. > > Parents of disruptive children will be warned. If no action is taken (I recommend duct tape) the parents will be sent home and the children kept for ransom. Another point: The menu will be only one page, so the food in the kitchen moves faster. Always be wary of restaurants that have pages of offerings. It means those pork chops have been in the freezer since Easter. (TGI Friday’s used to have a book for a menu, but has gotten better.) Some restaurants are too loud. When I go out to dinner, I go to eat, drink, and visit. I won’t pay in order to shout. My place will be so quiet you can hear your mind change or a name drop. Along these lines, customers using cell phones will be pureed and fricasseed. > > I have to take a sweater to any dinner, no matter the time of year. Restaurants are freezing because the chef and the waiters control the thermostat. They are sweating like David Letterman on Secretary’s Day, while the sedentary customers are shivering. At the Crow Eatery, customers will control the thermostat. If there is a difference of opinion about the temperature, the table that orders the most expensive items wins. > > Finally, in the Marines there was a sign in the mess hall, “Take all you want. Eat all you take.” It is immoral to waste food, so I’ll charge for leftovers. Think of the starving ex-restaurateurs. > > Ashby waits at ashby5@comcast.net

Eco-Friendly Cars

Dear EarthTalk: Celebrities and billionaires are shelling out big bucks for cutting edge green-friendly cars like the Tesla Roadster. But what are the rest of us—who live in the budget-constrained real world—to do about buying a new car that does right by the environment? — M.G., Stroudsburg, PA

With so many new energy efficient cars in showrooms today, there’s never been a better time to go green with your next car purchase. A few years ago the Toyota Prius was the go-to model for those with an environmental conscience and up to $30,000 to pay for the privilege of getting 35-40 miles per gallon (mpg) in the city and 45-55 on the highway. But today there is such a wide selection of fuel efficient and low-emissions vehicles that even those on a budget can afford to go green.

To wit, Honda’s new Insight is the first hybrid gasoline-electric car available new for less than $20,000 (starting at $19,800). With fuel efficiency ratings of 40 miles per gallon (mpg) in the city and 43 on the highway, the Insight surely won’t cost much to operate either.

There are plenty of other hybrids to choose from today, too, though most cost at least a few thousand dollars more than equivalent non-hybrid models. Toyota’s Prius, which is only available as a hybrid, still leads the pack as the world’s top selling and most fuel efficient hybrid. Its cost has dropped some, now starting at $22,400, and the “3rd generation” Prius 10 now claims an Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) combined city/highway rating of 50 mpg. This most recent edition even features a whimsical solar panel on the roof to power a ventilation system that keeps the interior of the car cool even on scorching hot days. Hybrid versions of Honda’s Civic ($23,800), Nissan’s Altima ($26,780), Ford’s Fusion ($27,625) and Escape SUV ($31,500), Mercury’s Milan ($31,590) and Mariner SUV ($29,995), Toyota’s Camry ($26,150) and Highlander SUV ($34,700) are also in showrooms in dealerships across the U.S.

Many smaller cars with regular gasoline engines also get great mileage with low emissions for even less money. Some examples include the Corolla ($15,350), Matrix ($16,550) and Yaris ($12,355) from Toyota, Honda’s Fit ($14,900), the Mazda 3 ($16,045), Chevy’s Aveo ($11,965) and Cobalt ($14,990), the Hyundai’s Accent ($9,970) and Elantra ($14,145), Pontiac’s G3 ($14,335), the Kia Rio ($11,495), the MINI Cooper ($19,500), Ford’s Focus ($15,995), and the Smart Car ForTwo ($11,990).

Diesel fuel is now cleaner than ever, and a few automakers are going down that road. Volkswagen’s Jetta TDI ($22,660), Audi’s A3 TDI ($29,950) and BMW’s 335d ($43,900) are three examples of high performance vehicles with solid green credentials regarding fuel efficiency and emissions. An added bonus is that such cars can run on carbon-neutral biodiesel as well as petroleum-based diesel fuel.

Consumers just starting their search for a new ride should check out GreenCar.com, which provides detailed information on the many greener vehicles available today as well as those on the horizon. Also, the federal government’s website FuelEconomy.gov provides detailed mileage and emissions information on dozens of new cars every year, and provides users with an easy and free way to compare different vehicles along the lines of environmental impact.

CONTACTS: GreenCar.com, www.greencar.com; FuelEconomy.gov, www.fueleconomy.gov.

SEND YOUR ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTIONS TO: EarthTalk®, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/archives.php. EarthTalk® is now a book! Details and order information at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalkbook. EarthTalk® From the Editors of E/The Environmental Magazine

Dear EarthTalk: Why is the plankton in the oceans dying? And what does this mean for the health of the oceans and marine life? — Marilynn Block, Portland, OR

As the lowest link on the marine food chain, plankton—that tiny aquatic plant, animal and bacterial matter floating throughout the world’s oceans—is a vital building block for life on Earth. Besides serving as a primary food source for many fish and whales, plankton plays a crucial role in mitigating global warming.

Indeed, the ocean is the world’s largest “carbon sink”: As much as one-third of man-made CO2 emissions are stored in the oceans and therefore do not contribute to global warming. This is because its plant component, phytoplankton (its animal component is called zooplankton), pulls massive amounts of carbon dioxide (CO2) out of the atmosphere as it photosynthesizes.

But various environmental factors are taking their toll on plankton the world over. The U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) reported recently that marine phytoplankton is declining across the oceans. Even Canadian cod fishermen are noticing that the plankton-feeding fish they catch are often nearly starving as a result of lack of this crucial food source.

A 2007 study published in the scientific journal Nature found that human-caused increase in CO2 pollution is altering the pH (acidity) levels in the oceans. This change in chemistry is expected to have adverse effects on the entire ecosystem. More acidic ocean water inhibits the ability of shell-forming marine organisms—from plankton to mollusks to corals—to form properly. Smaller and less healthy populations of plankton would be bad news for all the other creatures above it on the ocean’s food chain.

Higher water temperatures, also attributable to our fossil fuel addiction, can also have a devastating effect on plankton. A recent report in the Journal of the Marine Biological Association of the United Kingdom noted that, in the Adriatic Sea cooler winter conditions—which are less frequent in a warmer world—are needed for plankton production and nutrient availability. Furthermore, warmer sea temperatures can cause “blooms” of other sea life (such as happens with algae), resulting in oxygen starvation in the water, a condition that is devastating to plankton and other marine creatures and organisms.

In other situations, blooms of phytoplankton themselves—the tiny plants can gorge on the nutrients from the run-off from farms and lawns on land—can lead to oxygen starvation in the water. “The decomposition of these multitudes of phytoplankton removes oxygen from seawater, creating oxygen-poor ‘dead zones’ where fish cannot live,” reports Carly Buchwald, a researcher at Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution.

Satellite imagery shows that these “dead zones” are expanding. Some scientists are advocating “iron fertilization”—the spreading of large amounts of iron across the world’s seas—to spur plankton growth. But others worry that such tinkering with complex ecosystems could have potentially harmful effects.

CONTACTS: Nature, www.nature.com; Journal of the Marine Biological Association of the United Kingdom, www.journals.cambridge.org/action/displayJournal?jid=mbi; Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, www.whoi.edu.

SEND YOUR ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTIONS TO: EarthTalk®, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/archives.php. EarthTalk® is now a book! Details and order information at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalkbook.