Richie Refuse Getting rich using everything but a pyramid scheme

My first feelings of jealousy came when I read that among the Forbes list of 946 billionaires worldwide, 10 lived in Houston. Somehow I didn’t make the list, but I recognized the names of those who were on it — my friends and neighbors. Well, not exactly my friends and most, maybe all, were not my neighbors.

I wanted to be on that list, but it would be a challenge since my last financial investment, an Irish pub called the O’Bama &O’Sama, went bankrupt. I kept the same Celtic décor, but changed the pub to a watering hole for displaced Dublin tax accountants and called it When IRS Eyes Are Smiling. It went belly up due to non-interest-bearing customers. Then I opened an amusement park, Six Flags Over Sixth Ward, but nobody came. I don’t know why, since I put a full-page ad in The Houston Post.

It was time to check with my financial adviser. I found him in his office at the International Investment Advisory Center &Bait Camp, conveniently located under the Milam Street bridge. “What do I do to get on the Forbes Billionaires List,” I asked him while he pried open his lunch from an unlabeled can.

“That’s an easy one. Ever since Halliburton announced it was moving to Dubai for the climate, everyone else wants to move there, but they don’t speak the language or know the culture. So, start a language and culture school and give it a distinguished name.”

“Good idea,” I said.

My financial adviser frowned, “Why do the grocery stores throw away these bent cans? It’s a lot of trouble digging them out of the dumpster.”

Knowing the real reason for Halliburton’s move, I opened the George Dubai Bush School for Tax Dodgers. It was quickly closed by the Arab League. So I looked at other possibilities to take advantage of what’s hot in Houston. The David Carr Quarterback Camp was a bust, even though the most popular event was the sack race. The Calvin Murphy Planned Parenthood Clinic didn’t do too well, either.

“This idea of getting on the Forbes Billionaires List isn’t easy,” I whined to the fount of all financial wisdom the next time we met.

He swatted a cockroach on the wall of his temporary office, the men’s room at the Greyhound Bus Terminal, and advised, “Every day we hear that people are tired of the local TV news shows with their cutesy small talk and emphasis on murders, car wrecks and apartment fires. So start a local news program that carries only serious matters such as politics, government, the environment and international events. That’s what everyone says they want. You’ll have viewers and commercials galore.”

That I did. My ratings were below the Anchovy Channel, and the program was cancelled.

But I had a better idea. All we get on Houston’s talk radio are right-wing hosts spewing hatred and misinformation, so I started KIQ, the Intelligent Station, featuring well-read and well-traveled hosts willing to listen to and discuss all sides of weighty matters. Arbitron said my ratings were so bad that I should hope to catch up with Air America. Next, I started a flea market, but soon discovered there was no market for fleas.

Time and again I failed in cracking the Forbes Billionaires List by investing, so I figured maybe a high-paying job would do the trick, especially if I got a golden parachute. My tenure as executive director of the Ship Channel Sierra Club didn’t last long. Then I worked as a safety inspector for BP. The EPA sentenced me to 30 hours of community service by having me teach humility to Dan Patrick. For awhile, I had a good job as an adviser to METRO. That is until I asked Congressman John Culberson, “Why don’t we rip up all that concrete on the north side of the Katy Freeway and put in a rail line?” I was thrown under the bus.

It was time to return to investing. My ski school and lodge, the Ice of Texas, got nowhere because the plan had a drawback. There was hardly any snow in that part of town, and to think that I spent good money to lease the east slope of Mount Houston.

However, I had some successes. My parole program for suicide bombers had few recidivists, except for those who forgot to light the fuse. When I learned that Homeland Security was building a 20-foot-high fence along the Rio Grande, I made good money in Juarez selling 21-foot-high ladders. And my temp company scored big when we found part-time government jobs for Bob Eckels and Shelley Sekula-Gibbs. But that company went under when another of my bright ideas failed. It was a plan to find employment for deadbeats. I called it American Idle.

It became clear that I was a long way from the Forbes List of Fat Cats, so once more I sought out my financial adviser. He wasn’t at his branch office in the lobby of the Star of Hope Mission, but eventually I found him — it was visitor’s day. “What you need to do,” he said over the phone, as he looked at me through the glass, “is get in on the billions of defense dollars being spent.”

“Time’s up,” said the guard.

That’s when I rented a lot across the main gate at Fort Hood and opened an Iraqi pub for troops coming home, the Shock &Awe. It was closed after Fox News accused me of serving Buffalo left wings. Next, I formed an express lane at Bush Intercontinental for returning soldiers with six tours or less. My situation became worse and worse with my Katrina evacuees program, High Floods Lift All Bloats, although FEMA said I was doing a heckuva job.

“I don’t understand why my last venture didn’t work,” I sobbed to my new financial adviser. “They were halfway houses for people who ran yellow lights.”

“OK,” the guard said to me. “Time’s up, Forbes.”

Editor’s Note: Please do not try at home. These attempts at becoming a billionaire should only be attempted by trained professionals.

Warehouse Live

Party like a rock star at the live-music venue putting a new spin on private events

The date is March 3, 2006, and the artist once again known as Prince just concluded a performance in front of 1,500 fans with his chart-topping hit, “Purple Rain.” Even better, the original American idol is performing on the small, yet high-energy stage at Warehouse Live, the latest destination for hip entertainment. Take a look at the venue’s lineup of performers slated to its stage, like Bob Schneider and Charlie Robison, and you’ll get an idea of what the hype is all about.

Warehouse Live kicked off its opening with a bang during the NBA All-Star Game weekend by hosting a late night party for NBA TV. The event was an indication of good things to come. The building quickly launched into a whirlwind of bookings and the outdoor marquis filled with names of national artists. It has since welcomed more than 15,000 patrons through the doors every month.

When the idea for the venue was first in the works, the founding group of Brent Silberstein, Louie Messina, Jeff Messina, Allen Becker and Gary Becker hunted throughout the city for the ideal location. They finally decided on the up-and-coming Warehouse District for its close proximity to downtown and Minute Maid Park.

General manager Brent Silberstein’s background in concert promoting and five years on the road with N’ Sync, the Backstreet Boys, Fleetwood Mac and Aerosmith paved the way for him to open a venue that offers a unique spin on the typical concert hall.

The 1920s building that is Warehouse Live seeps an industrial-chic feel. Its urban aesthetics include original silver tube ducting, exposed wood ceilings and oversized trusses. “We couldn’t have built it the way it exists,” Silberstein says. The building is divided into two separate rooms and each has a stage, which gives the venue the flexibility to host a major act and a VIP section. The ballroom holds up to 1,500 people for concerts and the studio room holds up to 350 and has plush couches and a private bar.

As opposed to other larger venues in Houston, Warehouse Live’s size and laid-back atmosphere provide an intimate live music experience. The building ideally serves as a spot for bands looking to play in a smaller venue or whose ticket sales cannot fill a major arena.

“We’ve had baby bands, big bands, old bands, new bands,” Silberstein says. The venue has brought diversity to the Houston music scene by hosting big-name performers like The Cult, Ice Cube, Pink, Nick Lachey, Corrine Bailey Ray and Anthrax.

Even from the beginning, the group’s plan wasn’t to do just concerts at Warehouse Live. “We’re literally an event-driven space,” Silberstein says. The space’s bone structure of a rock ‘n’ roll venue can be transformed easily into an elegant setting. Bar mitzvahs, birthday parties, corporate parties and weddings have already been held at this innovative alternative venue for private events.

Capacity changes when not selling tickets to a concert. For a private event, the ballroom can seat 200 people with a dance floor and 250 without. Pricing for the space is competitive with local special venues like The Corinthian and Rockefeller Hall, and individual packages are arranged. Large tents can be set up behind the building as prep space for catering teams. Valet parking is also available to help avoid the problem of downtown parking.

Providing the basics — four walls, two full stages and two complete sound and light packages — allows party hosts to create a vision and run wild with it. Forget a list of preferred caterers, photographers and florists or required linens; Silberstein says they can do “whatever your mind can imagine and whatever your pocketbook can afford.”

The options are endless. A number of noteworthy names and leading corporations already have taken advantage of the possibilities and thrown their bash at Warehouse Live.

“The Baker Botts party was a big pinnacle for the building,” Silberstein says. The venue received tremendous interest from local companies after the international law firm’s Western-themed event.

Warehouse Live also garnered notoriety when many Astros and local media personalities attended Laura Casey’s “Xanadu”-themed roller skating party.

Jason Lewis, a music tour manager, had the first wedding at the venue. The romantic evening featured sheer fabric draped across the ceiling, candle-lit tables and an aisle lined with rose petals leading to the altar.

For Beyoncé’s birthday celebration hosted by Music World and BET, the interior had a sultry and sexy vibe designed with draping white linens, chandelier accents and dim purple lighting.

As an extra bonus, the owners’ daily involvement with performers can offer an inside connection to securing top-notch entertainment for your special evening.

What began as an idea between five partners evolved into one of the hottest destinations in Houston entertainment. Spend a Saturday night listening to Stephen Marley in May. Or, have your next event at the venue and feel like a rock star with your name displayed on the outdoor marquis. Whatever you have in mind, Warehouse Live knows how to throw a great party.

A Few Words On The Wards

Houston backwards and forwards (well, six wards, actually)

© Clifford Crouch, 2007

In the beginning was the ward. Many Houstonians can probably tell you the name of our current mayor. Some may even know the name of their local councilmember. Devoted followers of the local political scene can likely inform you that the city council has 15 members: the mayor, nine chosen from individual or single-member districts (known by letter as Districts A through I) and five more who are elected citywide or at-large. However, with those levels of political interest shown by the public in mind, fewer people today can recall much about the old Houston wards. Although, the mention of wards continue to pop up in discussions of our urban landscape, like when someone speaks of “revitalizing the Third Ward” or refers to “a Sixth Ward landmark.”

The truth is, although the city’s ward system was officially abandoned in the early 1900s, the wards never really went away. Trying to get at the truth about them can be difficult. Houston’s wards are like hazy old family stories, passed down and sometimes embellished through the generations. Everyone has heard of them, but the facts are hard to pin down.

Wards as political subdivisions of a city originated in America’s British heritage and date back to the Middle Ages and earlier. Most major U.S. cities — New York, Boston, New Orleans — began with a ward system. Even today the city of Chicago is divided into 50 wards, each represented by an alderman.

Houston’s own wards date back to 1840 when, soon after the city was founded, its charter was revised to divide the city into four wards, and each ward elected two aldermen to the city government. At the very center of the city is the innermost intersection of the four wards, Main and Congress.

Imagine it this way: if in 1840 one person stood at each of the four corners of the intersection of Main and Congress, then whoever stood at the northwest corner would be in the First Ward, the one at the northeast corner in the Second Ward, the one at the southeast corner in the Third Ward and the one at the southwest corner in the Fourth Ward. The four wards each radiated outward from that central point to the city limits.

As the city expanded, aldermen were elected from the newly created Fifth Ward in December of 1866. Its boundaries began north of Buffalo Bayou to east of White Oak Bayou and extended outward to the northern and eastern city limits.

Here is how the “1890 Houston Street Directory” defined the wards:
First Ward — Bounded by Main Street to the east, White Oak Bayou to the northeast, Congress Street to the south, a line commencing at the end of Congress and Buffalo Bayou and the north to northwest city limits.
Second Ward — Bounded by Buffalo Bayou to the north and Main and Congress to the west and south.
Third Ward — Bounded by Main and Congress to the west and north and the southeast city limits.
Fourth Ward — Bounded by Main to the east and Congress to the north in a line that began at the end of Congress and ran to northwest city limits.
Fifth Ward — Bounded by Buffalo and White Oak Bayous to the south and west and the northeast city limits.

As Houston continued to grow larger, the Fourth Ward was split into Fourth Ward North and Fourth Ward South. In 1896, records indicate that Fourth Ward North elected the first alderman from a new Sixth Ward sandwiched between the Fourth Ward to the south and the First Ward to the north.

The “1897 Houston Street Directory” defined the newly reduced Fourth Ward and new Sixth Ward
Fourth Ward — Bounded by Main to the east, Congress and Buffalo Bayou to the north.
Sixth Ward — Bounded by Buffalo Bayou to the south and a line commencing at the termination of Congress and Buffalo Bayou, running 55 degrees west to northwest city limits.

However, by the early 1900s concerns were growing, both within the city and throughout the nation, about municipal graft fostered by the ward system. It had become notorious for its corrupt bosses, ward heelers and machine politics. A new Houston city charter in 1905 directed that four aldermen were to be “elected by the people at large,” a change that spelled the beginning of the end for the ward system. By 1917, the city directory (now titled the “Houston Street and Avenue Guide and Directory of Householders”) had made information about the wards less significant and noted, “Wards as political subdivisions of the city were abolished by ordinance November, 1915. The former boundaries are commonly used, however, to clearly define locations.”

Why care about the wards, now? Because, as William Faulkner said, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” The wards may no longer exist as governing entities, but they continue on as historical and cultural sites. They are important pieces of the puzzle that is Houston today.

Houston Avenue is the main thoroughfare of the First Ward, which is heavily oriented to industrial and commercial use, but also includes the magnificently restored old Jefferson Davis Hospital, which now functions as the loft apartments on 1101 Elder, and the Amtrak Rail Passenger Station on Washington Ave. Among those who have called the First Ward their birthplace are Jack Valenti, a one-time aide to President Lyndon Johnson and former head of the Motion Picture Association of America, and former Congressman Craig Washington.

In the Second Ward, Navigation Boulevard winds through sites that include the modern-day Hispanic cultural arts organization Talento Bilingue off of South Jensen, the historic Our Lady of Guadalupe Church and the original Ninfa’s Tex-Mex restaurant. The area also includes such old settlements as Frost Town and Harrisburg, the latter of which predates Houston. The Second Ward has been increasingly Hispanic ever since the 1910 Revolution first drove many Mexican citizens to seek a new home north of the border. Today it is sometimes referred to by its residents as “El Segundo Barrio.”

The main thoroughfare of the Third Ward is Dowling Street, named after Houston’s best known Civil War hero, Irish-American Dick Dowling. The area’s demographics have varied since its creation, but today the population of the Third Ward is more than 90 percent black. Some of its most distinguished residents have included musicians, like guitarist Albert Collins, singer Robert Smith and blues legend Sam “Lightnin'” Hopkins. The Nobel Prize winning novelist Toni Morrison (author of “Beloved”) also lived in the Third Ward during the 1950s while she taught at Texas Southern University.

Much of what once marked the Fourth Ward has fallen to the wrecking ball of urban renewal over the years. However, it is still home to the Founders Memorial Cemetery, a resting place for some of Houston’s earliest residents. Fourth Ward’s main thoroughfare is West Dallas, but it also has Allen Parkway Village, one of the country’s first public housing projects, and the historic Freedmen’s Town, an area settled after the Civil War by former slaves, which was added to the National Register of Historic Places in 1985.

Houston’s Fifth Ward was once known as the “Bloody Fifth” for its violent atmosphere. It was the site of two major fires in 1891 and in 1912 that razed scores of blocks. Later, it became home to some of the city’s most prosperous black-owned businesses. Some of its famed residents have included U.S. Rep. Barbara Jordan, jazz pianist Joe Sample and heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman. In his acclaimed 1975 novel “Terms of Endearment,” writer Larry McMurtry captured some of Houston’s complexities in the contrasts between the wealthy River Oaks neighborhood (home to the story’s heroine, Aurora Greenway) and the working-class Lyons Avenue that is the main street of Fifth Ward (home to the devoted maid, Rosie Dunlup).

Of all of Houston’s wards, the Sixth Ward has best maintained its structural integrity over the past century. A small area filled with late Victorian-era houses and cottages, whose main thoroughfare is Washington Avenue, the heart of the Sixth Ward was officially placed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1978 as the Old Sixth Ward Historic District. Also known for many years as the Sabine area (after a local street), this neighborhood was first settled by workers for the adjacent Houston and Texas Central (H&TC) Railway. Its architectural highlights include a beautiful two-story brick house, at 2018 Kane, built in 1906 in the Classical Revival style that is popularly called “The Queen of the Sabine” and the imposing St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, at the intersection of Kane and Houston Avenue, erected in 1901 after its predecessor was destroyed in the infamous 1900 storm.

Houston’s six wards died politically, but they have since been resurrected over the decades in other forms. The wards continue to not only live through their landmarks and their history, but also in various present-day guises, like nonprofit Community Development Corporations (CDCs), Tax Increment Redevelopment Zones (TIRZs), homeowner associations and other citizen-based organizations. These modern-day ward healers have replaced the ward heelers of yesteryear.

Some years back Mayor Lee Brown chose to initiate a citywide network of Super Neighborhoods to address the needs of all Houston’s communities. Among the ones created were the Second Ward (Super Neighborhood #63), the Greater Third Ward (SN #67), the Fourth Ward (SN #60) and the Greater Fifth Ward (SN #55). All of which seems to indicate that, no matter how much you suppress it, it’s hard to keep a good four-letter-Anglo-Saxon word out of people’s mouths.

Queens Day in Amsterdam

Having a blast in Amsterdam’s historic museums and party central

You have to love a country that throws a nationwide birthday bash for its queen, when it isn’t Queen Beatrix’s birthday!

Each year on April 30 (unless that date falls on a Sunday) the Netherlands pull out all the stops. It is the one day of the year where citizens dress in orange (the color symbolizes the monarch’s ancestral linage of the House of Orange), and some young people even spray paint their hair orange. It is the only day of the year that citizens are allowed to have a yard sale to sell their junk and treasures. On this day, the kids get involved with games of chance, musical recitals and beverage sales. It is more like a county fair that becomes a street party as the day progresses, and turns into a full-blown Dutch-Style Mardi Gras when night falls.

The party in Amsterdam doesn’t stop after April 30; loud revelry can be found at most of the nightclubs and restaurants in the center of Amsterdam throughout the year.

We found a nice, quiet hotel, the Renaissance Amsterdam Hotel, just a few blocks away from the central station, located off of a beautiful canal. Getting around the central part of Amsterdam is easy to do on foot, tram and even better by canal bus, which is a water taxi with hop-on and hop-off service.

I was armed with an Amsterdam Card and ready to explore the city. Visitors may enter many of the museums with the card without additional charge and, most importantly, without standing in line to buy tickets.

In celebration of one of its most famous sons, Amsterdam is featuring citywide exhibits for Rembrandt’s 400th birthday. The Rijks Museum showcases some of his most famous works, which include “Nightwatch.” Known for his ability to give light to a subject in his paintings, Rembrandt was also a very successful businessman. Not only did he sell his own art, but he also sold other artists’ works and ran a school.

Just down the street is the Van Gogh Museum that features selections of Van Gogh’s work spanning his life. It is interesting to see some of his lesser-known works and see how trial and error helped him find his now famous technique. The day I visited, the Van Gogh museum was exhibiting works by Rembrandt and Caravaggio.

Rembrandt’s House Museum is just a canal bus stop away from the Van Gogh Museum. It is a beautiful three-story house where you can see how Rembrandt lived and worked. What amazed me the most was the incredibly tiny stairways; I could hardly fit in the stairwell next to other visitors. It is no wonder each house of the period had attached a pulley in the attic to lift furniture from ground level and in through the windows. After I left Rembrandt’s home, I walked past a moving company using an air-powered lift to do the same maneuver to get furniture two stories up. The technology involved in getting furniture into and out of a home may have changed in the past 300 years, but the method has remained the same.

Tulips, canals, beer and legalized drugs aren’t the only unique facets of Amsterdam. For more than 400 years, Amsterdam has been known as the City of Diamonds because there are more diamonds cut within Amsterdam than in any other city. Diamonds from all over are cut and polished to be sold loose or mounted, at the Gassan Diamond Factory. The factory is credited for the creation of the brilliant-cut diamond, which is the most sought after cut around the globe. Thousands of tourists from around the world visit the Gassan Diamond Factory; its sales team makes purchasing diamonds easier for foreigners by speaking a combined 27 different languages.

Whatever one seeks, Amsterdam provides – history, art, flowers, diamonds, beautiful architecture or just pure fun. It is especially beautiful in the spring when the trees bloom and push away the gray of winter. And, if you happen to be in Amsterdam this time of year and start seeing all orange, it’s not the special cookies. Grab your party hat and join the Queen’s birthday party!

Essentials:
Amsterdam Tourism and Convention Board, www.amsterdamtourist.nl
Renaissance Amsterdam Hotel, www.renaissancehotels.com
Van Gogh Museum, www.vangoghmuseum.nl

Dick Dace is The Epicurean Publicist. He does lunch for a living.

Queens Day in Amsterdam

Dick Dace is having a blast in Amsterdam

You have to love a country that throws a nationwide birthday bash for its queen, when it isn’t Queen Beatrix’s birthday!

Each year on April 30 (unless that date falls on a Sunday) the Netherlands pull out all the stops. It is the one day of the year where citizens dress in orange (the color symbolizes the monarch’s ancestral linage of the House of Orange), and some young people even spray paint their hair orange. It is the only day of the year that citizens are allowed to have a yard sale to sell their junk and treasures. On this day, the kids get involved with games of chance, musical recitals and beverage sales. It is more like a county fair that becomes a street party as the day progresses, and turns into a full-blown Dutch-Style Mardi Gras when night falls.

The party in Amsterdam doesn’t stop after April 30; loud revelry can be found at most of the nightclubs and restaurants in the center of Amsterdam throughout the year.

We found a nice, quiet hotel, the Renaissance Amsterdam Hotel, just a few blocks away from the central station, located off of a beautiful canal. Getting around the central part of Amsterdam is easy to do on foot, tram and even better by canal bus, which is a water taxi with hop-on and hop-off service.

I was armed with an Amsterdam Card and ready to explore the city. Visitors may enter many of the museums with the card without additional charge and, most importantly, without standing in line to buy tickets.

In celebration of one of its most famous sons, Amsterdam is featuring citywide exhibits for Rembrandt’s 400th birthday. The Rijks Museum showcases some of his most famous works, which include “Nightwatch.” Known for his ability to give light to a subject in his paintings, Rembrandt was also a very successful businessman. Not only did he sell his own art, but he also sold other artists’ works and ran a school.

Just down the street is the Van Gogh Museum that features selections of Van Gogh’s work spanning his life. It is interesting to see some of his lesser-known works and see how trial and error helped him find his now famous technique. The day I visited, the Van Gogh museum was exhibiting works by Rembrandt and Caravaggio.

Rembrandt’s House Museum is just a canal bus stop away from the Van Gogh Museum. It is a beautiful three-story house where you can see how Rembrandt lived and worked. What amazed me the most was the incredibly tiny stairways; I could hardly fit in the stairwell next to other visitors. It is no wonder each house of the period had attached a pulley in the attic to lift furniture from ground level and in through the windows. After I left Rembrandt’s home, I walked past a moving company using an air-powered lift to do the same maneuver to get furniture two stories up. The technology involved in getting furniture into and out of a home may have changed in the past 300 years, but the method has remained the same.

Tulips, canals, beer and legalized drugs aren’t the only unique facets of Amsterdam. For more than 400 years, Amsterdam has been known as the City of Diamonds because there are more diamonds cut within Amsterdam than in any other city. Diamonds from all over are cut and polished to be sold loose or mounted, at the Gassan Diamond Factory. The factory is credited for the creation of the brilliant-cut diamond, which is the most sought after cut around the globe. Thousands of tourists from around the world visit the Gassan Diamond Factory; its sales team makes purchasing diamonds easier for foreigners by speaking a combined 27 different languages.

Whatever one seeks, Amsterdam provides – history, art, flowers, diamonds, beautiful architecture or just pure fun. It is especially beautiful in the spring when the trees bloom and push away the gray of winter. And, if you happen to be in Amsterdam this time of year and start seeing all orange, it’s not the special cookies. Grab your party hat and join the Queen’s birthday party!

Essentials:
Amsterdam Tourism and Convention Board, www.amsterdamtourist.nl
Renaissance Amsterdam Hotel, www.renaissancehotels.com
Van Gogh Museum, www.vangoghmuseum.nl

Dick Dace is The Epicurean Publicist. He does lunch for a living.