Talk Show No-Knows Poking fun at Houston hosts

Good moooorning, Houston! It’s time for yet another saga of Tell Bell, the fairest and most balanced talk show in town. Today, I thought we’d take an objective look at those pinko rats in the County Commissioners Court, the corrupt officials in City Hall and the latest treasonous actions by Bill Clinton. Ah, we have our first caller, Allen in Parkway.

Hi, Bell. I think you were a little harsh yesterday in calling for the execution of the entire Texas Legislature. I feel …

Who cares what you feel? Those commies in Dallas, or is it Waco, won’t cut our property taxes and keep trying to spend money on schools. Who needs schools anyway? I dropped out in the third grade, and I ain’t doing badder. Next caller, Monty in Montrose.

First time caller, longtime listener. Bell, you are wrong in demanding that the UN building be torn down and the land sewn with salt. I know that …

Let me tell you what you know. The UN up there in Chicago is full of foreigners, probably illegal aliens. They couldn’t keep the peace in Switzerland or even next door in Morocco.

Have you ever been to the UN? Peace-keeping is a very small part of what they do — like with health care, international postal regulation, intelligence property rights, labor laws. Do you know what you’re talking about?

I don’t have to know what I’m talking about. I’m a radio talk show host in Houston. Next caller, Time in Memorial.

Bell, I think you are wonderful, smart and full of knowledge.

How do you know that?

Because you always tell me what I want to hear.

As President Benjamin Franklin once said, “Ask not what you can do to others, but ask what others can do for you.” Our next caller is Carl in Capacitated. Go ahead, Carl.

Bell, why do you keep interrupting callers that disagree with you, and insult them with ridicule? It’s uncouth and shows a lack of …

I don’t interrupt callers, you stupid idiot. Shut up! OK, folks, we need to clear up a few matters about this radio business. First, it’s my show, and I can do as I please. Some of you act like the public owns the airwaves. Second, if you are so bored that you have nothing better to do than listen to this show, you need to get a life. And finally, accept everything I say as the gospel. Next caller is from Here to Eternity.

Bell, you bad-mouth the press all the time, but it’s clear that virtually every word you utter on the air is based on something you read in the morning paper or saw last night on the TV news. I mean, if you didn’t rely on the “drive-by media,” as you call it, you wouldn’t have a show. Also, you keep telling us we can’t trust the press, but throughout your program, you quote stuff you got from the press as fact. You can’t have it both ways.

Of course I can, because you listeners are too damned dumb to spot hypocrisy if it hit you in the nose. A recent study in The National Enquirer proved that. Next caller. Go ahead, Wes in University Place.

Bell, what does that noted family values crusader, Rush Limbaugh, have that Bill Clinton doesn’t?

I give up.

Three ex-wives and a police record.

Another liberal pervert. Folks, did you see on the TV news — which we can’t believe — that Houston is installing cameras to cut down on red-light runners? It’s just one more example of creeping governmental control. If I want to run through red lights doing 60 in a school zone, that’s my right. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us our refineries can’t pollute, we should stop strip mining in our national parks and pay our income taxes. Bunch of tree-huggers. Go ahead, Number 445558 in Carcerated.

Bell, you just did it again. You quoted from the press while telling us we can’t believe the press. What’s more, the UN is in New York City, not Chicago. The state capital is in Austin; Benjamin Franklin was not a president; and you misquoted John Kennedy. Yesterday, you referred to “former Mayor Lee Black who is brown.” The Red Cross is not part of Homeland Security; Dell Computers is named after Michael Dell, not Dell Comics; and Dell is originally from Houston, not Argentina.

What’s your point?

My point is that you are a shallow, ill-educated pompous blowhard with delusions of adequacy. You don’t read books, you don’t travel anywhere that might broaden your knowledge, and you can’t pronounce “panache” or “onomatopoeia.”

Don’t bring religion into this.

You spread misinformation and create divisiveness and hatred among listeners. No wonder Arbitron puts your ratings below that of Latino DJs. When it comes to radio talk show hosts, Houston has the lowest common denominator.

You’re full of it, Mom.

Spa Holiday in Malaysia

by Dick Dace

My spa holiday experience began the moment we boarded Malaysia Airlines. This holiday was about refreshing, rejuvenating and decompressing from the stress of the modern world. Traveling to Malaysia promised to be a step back in time to a quieter moment in the world of the beautiful Malaysia people and their culture. Flying first class is not just the hedonist, extravagant indulgency of Hollywood stars and the wealthy, but a necessity for those who must have their wits about them for that important meeting when they land. A good night’s sleep is possible in the space age-inspired egg-chairs that, with a touch of a button, morphs into a sleeper sofa that guarantees a good night’s slumber among the stars.

Before you sleep, there is pampering to be had, out-of-this-world pampering. The beautiful and gracious flight attendants welcome you to your celestial mini-cabin in the sky with a chilled washcloth to refresh your face and hands, while they rush to get you your beverage of choice – which they keep pouring for the entire flight.

Once aloft in the night sky, they serve you dinner on china with beautiful sterling flatware. Grilled shrimp in a ginger sauce, beef and chicken Sates with peanut sauce and fresh fruit with chocolate sauce.

For those of us who had to do some work before we arrived in Kuala Lumpur, the footrest/ottoman made a comfortable second chair, and the tray table was large enough to share with a colleague, as we crunched numbers at 30,000 feet. By the time breakfast was served, fresh fruit with an egg omelet, we were well rested and mentally prepared for our meetings. We took the KLIA Ekspres train from the airport to the Ritz-Carlton in downtown Kuala Lumpur. It was a high-speed train that takes only 28 minutes (while a cab ride would take more than an hour), designed especially for air travelers. One of the great things about the Ritz-Carlton Kuala Lumpur is that they are used to hosting time travelers (a reference to those who travel a great distance and who cross the international dateline) by offering 24-hour room service and a gymnasium that is open 24 hours, as well. One can swim, lift weights or use the treadmill anytime of the day or night. There is even a locker room with a steam room, sauna and Jacuzzi, to sooth the time-strained muscles.

For those who need a little help transcending time and soothing those muscles, the Spa Village at the Ritz-Carlton is just the thing. My previous spa experiences had consisted of a Swedish massage, a Jacuzzi bath, manicure and pedicure, a facial and haircut. At the Spa Village at the Ritz-Carlton Kuala Lumpur, all my senses were to be massaged.

The Spa Village experience began by slipping into the most comfortable silky-smooth lounge-wear. A cup of specially blended ginger tea was served to enhance relaxation, while sitting in a dark room listening to ethnic Malay music and watching a soothing video of scenes from the Malaysian rainforest.

My personal therapist explained the spa treatment she had designed for me was based on the timeless traditions of the Malaysian people, used to balance one’s physical, emotional and spiritual health. In explaining the treatment, she shared that the Malay word for woman is “princess” and the Malay word for man is “warrior.” All the oils, herbs and massage treatments for women were about enhancing a princess’ beauty, by cleansing her inside, beautifying her skin and by postponing menopause. The warrior’s treatment is about cleansing his inside and enhancing his stamina.

The therapist escorted me to a private spa room that was as larger than my hotel room with an outdoor private garden with shower and a in-ground Jacuzzi tub. The warrior treatment included a massage using an oil made of local herbs of turmeric, cinnamon, garlic, onion and citronella to invigorate the circulation. This teeny-tiny wisp of a girl asked about my preference for a soft, medium or strong massage. The warrior in me said strong, and before the massage was over, she had me crying, “Uncle!” (I have a bruise to prove it!) I had to ask her to let up several times, to which she just giggled. (At first, I thought she was making fun of me, but later I learned that her response was cultural, that the Malaysian people express embarrassment by giggling.)Following the massage was a body scrub, which consisted of soothing oils and herbs for exfoliation. I showered in my private courtyard that was beautifully landscaped with an impressive vista of the cities skyline before retiring to a milk bath with kaffir limes and rose petals. No wonder Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe were famous for enjoying their milk baths, it was simply unbelievably relaxing. I even lunched al fresco while I bathed.

After my bath, I was anointed with special invigorating oil and enjoyed, briefly, a body steaming. With my after treatment herbal tea, I was given a honey, tea leaf amuse bouse to eat before I returned to my room for a short, restful nap. I was rejuvenated.

The best time to visit Kuala Lumpur is December through July. My spa holiday continued the next day with just a 45-minute flight to the east side of the peninsula to the South China Sea resort of Tanjong Jara Resort and Spa Village. General manager Adrian Chung, whom I soon learned was affectionately referred to as “The Mayor,” greeted us. With 200 employees to pamper 200 guests, Tanjong Jara is paradise in a little city.

One morning, we tagged along with Chef Ann to the Dungun wet market to see the fresh fish and vegetables she bought for the resort directly from the areas fisherman and farmers. The vast selection of fish was astonishing, most of which were still alive as she poked and prodded them. Chef Ann was gracious in her explanation of all the new and wonderful herbs, vegetables and spices we spied.

At midmorning, we boarded the resort’s boat for an excursion to Tenggol Island for snorkeling and diving for the few Padi-certified open-water divers among us. The tiny island was deserted, except for three diving camps, each with their own selection of cabins on the beach. While a few of us lay out on the beach and snorkeled, a few of us dove in to explore one of the world’s most beautiful coral reefs.

Huge rainbow-colored parrotfish darted among pristine millennia-old coral formations as we swam among them. Giant sea turtles munched away while a grouper that looked the size of a Volkswagen cruised along beside us.

The dive master and his crew were focused on our enjoyment, pointing out small, beautiful fish and sea life we might have missed. To the delight of the group, they picked up sea slugs and sea cucumbers for us to hold. They even utilized our leftover lunch sandwiches to teach us how to hand feed the schools of fish that a little bread attracted.

Tanjong Jara Resort and Spa Village is known for its’authentic Malay health treatments first made popular by the Malaysian royalty. The goal of the resort, which is built in the refined and intricate woodwork style of the Malaysian Sultans, is to preserve the cultural heritage of the region, including the local health and beauty treatments by using the indigenous natural oils, fruit extracts and flowers.

After a wonderful bath in my own private, outdoor tub just off the bedroom of my chalet, I walked to the Spa Village for my first treatment. The village had its’ open-air treatment rooms tucked around pools and fountains with private hidden gardens. My treatment, Syurga Tujuh or Seven Steps to Heaven, was just that, heavenly.

My therapy started with a special Malay cocktail made of herbs found in the nearby rainforest and consumed for their vigor and vitality properties. My therapist told me she had learned the art of the massage from her mother, who had learned it from her mother before her. My treatment started off with a hand and foot soak, followed by a Malay hair and scalp treatment. Next was a very relaxing massage with long kneading strokes that concentrated on the muscles and pressure points. The oil she used was fragrant and made with herbs to stimulate my circulation. She said I would start sweating in about an hour, and just about an hour later, as I was walking along the deserted beach picking up seashells I began to sweat profusely. To cool off, I dove into the brilliant emerald South China Sea for a quick refreshing swim.

All day long, I had noticed that the staff was setting up something on the beach. There were torches stuck in the sand encircling chairs and a table, and what looked like the makings of a bonfire. Little did I know, GM Adrian Chung had arranged for us to enjoy a traditional five-course Malaysian dinner just a few feet from the surf. We feasted on grilled prawns, mango soup and grilled beef. How he arranged the full, burnt-orange harvest moon, is anyone’s guess. Mr. Chung shared with us the inspiration for the evening. Not only is Tanjong Jara about pampering, it is also about exceeding expectations and making memories. Usually, dinners on the beach are reserved for couples celebrating their honeymoon. When Chung joined the resort almost two years ago, he decided that memories and romance were for everyone, dinners on the beach included, and set about creating a memorable honeymoon package.

Each honeymoon couple has a private, torch-lit dinner on the beach, a couples’ massage followed by a flower bath, and a private dinner on their balcony. The couple also receives traditional Malaysian gifts and they get to select a tree that will be planted at the resort in their honor. A beautiful wooded marker identifies the tree and includes the couples names and date. As a special treat, each year on their anniversary, a photo of their honeymoon tree is sent to the happy couple.

The best time to visit Tanjong Jara Resort and Spa Village is April through July. A short three and a half hour drive northeast of Kuala Lumpur is the island resort of Pangkor Laut Resort and Spa Village. It really is a whole island devoted to pampering. The traditional Malaysian fishing villages we passed on our boat ride from the mainland inspired many parts of the resort’s design. With land being precious for farming, many native villages are built over water.

In the Spa Village section of the resort, rooms are actually chalets built over the water on stilts, which afforded privacy and luxury. Be sure to take a bubble bath in your room and look out the windows into the emerald green waters that frequently host fishing boats plowing the waters for tonight’s dinner. Above the tub, in the middle of the ceiling is a rain showerhead, for that safe, rain forest shower experience.

The island resort has many beautiful locations. To view the perfect sunset, trek through the virgin rain forest that covers most of the island to the beach at Emerald Bay. Seeing the emerald water from the treetops is a breathtaking sight. Once on the pale pink beach, all one has to do to get something to eat or drink, is raise ones hand. One of the gracious staff members is more than happy to bring you your heart’s desire as you lounge on the beach.

My first day on the island started with a yoga session. The stretching was a salve for my travel-worn muscles and it also woke up my appetite. Breakfast at the Jamu Bar overlooking the swimming pool and the sea inspired me to go jungle trekking with Uncle Yip, the resident floral, fauna and wildlife expert.

Uncle Yip, while a spry man with a happy smile, seems to be one with the jungle itself, and knows its’ inhabitants like they were his children. He shared his knowledge freely and even challenged us to think about what we were seeing. Like the prehistoric spiky palm tree, why did it have such razor sharp spikes up and down its trunk — to protect its young shoots from being eaten. What were the big black bag like things hanging in the trees — fruit bats with a two-foot wingspan. For the chocolate lovers among us, he opened a cacao pod to show us the green seeds, which first have to be dried before they can be roasted and ground into chocolate. Showing us the abundance of the forest, Uncle Yip shared with us why there are still native aboriginal Indians living in Malaysian rainforests because all they have to do is walk outside their homes and find all manner of incredible foods.

After a lunch on the beach, it was spa time. The first treatment was Pangkor Laut’s unique Bath House Ritual, exercising various Asian bathing customs. After changing into a Batik sarong, a soothing footbath was followed by a Chinese Foot Pounding that had been enjoyed by the concubines of Chinese Emperors to keep their feet tiny.

The Bath House structure itself features a large stonewalled courtyard blooming with gingers, with a brilliant blue pool at its’ center. On the edge of the pool are four large urns from which water bubbles and cascades into the pool. This could be the most romantic pool on earth and I had it all to myself.

The Bath House complex is made up of several private, open-air gazebo-like treatment rooms, tucked inside hidden gardens. The next treatment was a traditional Japanese-style cleansing with a “goshi-goshi” cloth. After my skin was exfoliated from head to toe, came a dip in a heated Rotenburu pool that was made of rounded river stones. I could have stayed there until I wrinkled up to nothing while I enjoyed a calming tea — and my treatments continued. Up next was an Ayurvedic treatment, an ancient Indian healing tradition that strengthens the internal organs, nervous system, muscles, bones and regulates the digestive system. Before lying on a wooden table for my treatment, I had to trade in my sarong for a loincloth, (my first and very unlike what Tarzan wore!) Suitably dressed for the occasion, I was laid out and basted in medicated oils and herbs, from head to toe. A traditional Indian rejuvenating massage followed. The masseur ran his hands in rapid strokes the entire length of my legs, arms and torso. I felt like a greased pig at the state fair. To remove the oil after the treatment, I was vigorously rubbed with an herbal paste made with tea leaves, followed by a warm shower and a nap.

The best time to visit Pangkor Laut Resort and Spa Village is December through July. A short boar ride to the mainland and a three-hour drive up the highest mountain in Malaysian, we arrived at Cameron Highlands Resort and Spa Village. The resort is located near one of the oldest rainforest on Earth, where wild orchids and lilies bloomed beside the road. We were greeted by Scotsman Ross Sanders, the guest relations manager of Cameron Highland, which was appreciate, since English gentry in search of tea settled this part of Malaysia, and everything about Cameron Highlands is about tea, high tea, hot tea, and tea baths.

The ever gracious Sanders hosted us to High Tea, with a Malaysia twist. After gorging ourselves on fresh strawberries the size of goose eggs, and scones three inches tall, we feasted on Sates and little purse pockets filled with spicy chicken.

My Cameron Highlands spa treatment started with a tea bath. A large, footed white porcelain tub filled with hot water and rose petals, kaffir limes and tea leaves turned into my favorite place to nap. With headphones, neck pillow and the soothing waters, I caught 20 z’s. The massage that followed was primarily Swedish, except for the part where I had to sit up so he could massage my back.

I got the giggles when he had me turn over onto my stomach, and after placing a warm towel on my back, he brought out some wooden dowels. They squeaked like mice as he ran them up and down my back. My masseur said “laughter, good for you.”

Sanders also hosted us to cocktails later that afternoon, and asked us to participate in the Fire Lighting Ceremony in the Highlands Bar. As tradition holds it, Jim Thompson, the legendary silk tycoon who disappeared on a walk one Sunday afternoon, never to be heard from again, used to invite his guests to light the evening fire. Cameron Highlands reintroduced this tradition nightly as another way to enhance the guest experience and to create memories.

After two weeks of pampering, massages and feasting on delicacies, I was refreshed, rejuvenated and decompressed and ready for the modern world. Now, where is that Blackberry?

The best time to visit Cameron Highlands and Spa Village is December through July. To see the wild orchids in bloom, visit April through May and have the concierge book you a day with local guide Bob, for a tree climbing exploration of all things flora and fauna.

Trip Resources: Malaysia Airlines (www malaysiaairlines.com) flies to Kuala Lumpur daily from Los Angles. Houston is the second busiest gateway to Malaysia. All resorts are part of the YTL Hotels & Properties Group (www ytlhotels.com). Mr. Dace was a guest of Malaysia Airlines and YTL Hotels & Properties. Mr. Dace is the Epicurean Publicist. He does lunch for a living.

Spa Holiday in Malaysia

My spa holiday experience began the moment we boarded Malaysia Airlines. This holiday was about refreshing, rejuvenating and decompressing from the stress of the modern world. Traveling to Malaysia promised to be a step back in time to a quieter moment in the world of the beautiful Malaysia people and their culture. Flying first class is not just the hedonist, extravagant indulgency of Hollywood stars and the wealthy, but a necessity for those who must have their wits about them for that important meeting when they land. A good night’s sleep is possible in the space age-inspired egg-chairs that, with a touch of a button, morphs into a sleeper sofa that guarantees a good night’s slumber among the stars.

Before you sleep, there is pampering to be had, out-of-this-world pampering. The beautiful and gracious flight attendants welcome you to your celestial mini-cabin in the sky with a chilled washcloth to refresh your face and hands, while they rush to get you your beverage of choice – which they keep pouring for the entire flight.

Once aloft in the night sky, they serve you dinner on china with beautiful sterling flatware. Grilled shrimp in a ginger sauce, beef and chicken Sates with peanut sauce and fresh fruit with chocolate sauce.

For those of us who had to do some work before we arrived in Kuala Lumpur, the footrest/ottoman made a comfortable second chair, and the tray table was large enough to share with a colleague, as we crunched numbers at 30,000 feet. By the time breakfast was served, fresh fruit with an egg omelet, we were well rested and mentally prepared for our meetings. We took the KLIA Ekspres train from the airport to the Ritz-Carlton in downtown Kuala Lumpur. It was a high-speed train that takes only 28 minutes (while a cab ride would take more than an hour), designed especially for air travelers. One of the great things about the Ritz-Carlton Kuala Lumpur is that they are used to hosting time travelers (a reference to those who travel a great distance and who cross the international dateline) by offering 24-hour room service and a gymnasium that is open 24 hours, as well. One can swim, lift weights or use the treadmill anytime of the day or night. There is even a locker room with a steam room, sauna and Jacuzzi, to sooth the time-strained muscles.

For those who need a little help transcending time and soothing those muscles, the Spa Village at the Ritz-Carlton is just the thing. My previous spa experiences had consisted of a Swedish massage, a Jacuzzi bath, manicure and pedicure, a facial and haircut. At the Spa Village at the Ritz-Carlton Kuala Lumpur, all my senses were to be massaged.

The Spa Village experience began by slipping into the most comfortable silky-smooth lounge-wear. A cup of specially blended ginger tea was served to enhance relaxation, while sitting in a dark room listening to ethnic Malay music and watching a soothing video of scenes from the Malaysian rainforest.

My personal therapist explained the spa treatment she had designed for me was based on the timeless traditions of the Malaysian people, used to balance one’s physical, emotional and spiritual health. In explaining the treatment, she shared that the Malay word for woman is “princess” and the Malay word for man is “warrior.” All the oils, herbs and massage treatments for women were about enhancing a princess’ beauty, by cleansing her inside, beautifying her skin and by postponing menopause. The warrior’s treatment is about cleansing his inside and enhancing his stamina.

The therapist escorted me to a private spa room that was as larger than my hotel room with an outdoor private garden with shower and a in-ground Jacuzzi tub. The warrior treatment included a massage using an oil made of local herbs of turmeric, cinnamon, garlic, onion and citronella to invigorate the circulation. This teeny-tiny wisp of a girl asked about my preference for a soft, medium or strong massage. The warrior in me said strong, and before the massage was over, she had me crying, “Uncle!” (I have a bruise to prove it!) I had to ask her to let up several times, to which she just giggled. (At first, I thought she was making fun of me, but later I learned that her response was cultural, that the Malaysian people express embarrassment by giggling.)Following the massage was a body scrub, which consisted of soothing oils and herbs for exfoliation. I showered in my private courtyard that was beautifully landscaped with an impressive vista of the cities skyline before retiring to a milk bath with kaffir limes and rose petals. No wonder Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe were famous for enjoying their milk baths, it was simply unbelievably relaxing. I even lunched al fresco while I bathed.

After my bath, I was anointed with special invigorating oil and enjoyed, briefly, a body steaming. With my after treatment herbal tea, I was given a honey, tea leaf amuse bouse to eat before I returned to my room for a short, restful nap. I was rejuvenated.

The best time to visit Kuala Lumpur is December through July. My spa holiday continued the next day with just a 45-minute flight to the east side of the peninsula to the South China Sea resort of Tanjong Jara Resort and Spa Village. General manager Adrian Chung, whom I soon learned was affectionately referred to as “The Mayor,” greeted us. With 200 employees to pamper 200 guests, Tanjong Jara is paradise in a little city.

One morning, we tagged along with Chef Ann to the Dungun wet market to see the fresh fish and vegetables she bought for the resort directly from the areas fisherman and farmers. The vast selection of fish was astonishing, most of which were still alive as she poked and prodded them. Chef Ann was gracious in her explanation of all the new and wonderful herbs, vegetables and spices we spied.

At midmorning, we boarded the resort’s boat for an excursion to Tenggol Island for snorkeling and diving for the few Padi-certified open-water divers among us. The tiny island was deserted, except for three diving camps, each with their own selection of cabins on the beach. While a few of us lay out on the beach and snorkeled, a few of us dove in to explore one of the world’s most beautiful coral reefs.

Huge rainbow-colored parrotfish darted among pristine millennia-old coral formations as we swam among them. Giant sea turtles munched away while a grouper that looked the size of a Volkswagen cruised along beside us.

The dive master and his crew were focused on our enjoyment, pointing out small, beautiful fish and sea life we might have missed. To the delight of the group, they picked up sea slugs and sea cucumbers for us to hold. They even utilized our leftover lunch sandwiches to teach us how to hand feed the schools of fish that a little bread attracted.

Tanjong Jara Resort and Spa Village is known for its’authentic Malay health treatments first made popular by the Malaysian royalty. The goal of the resort, which is built in the refined and intricate woodwork style of the Malaysian Sultans, is to preserve the cultural heritage of the region, including the local health and beauty treatments by using the indigenous natural oils, fruit extracts and flowers.

After a wonderful bath in my own private, outdoor tub just off the bedroom of my chalet, I walked to the Spa Village for my first treatment. The village had its’ open-air treatment rooms tucked around pools and fountains with private hidden gardens. My treatment, Syurga Tujuh or Seven Steps to Heaven, was just that, heavenly.

My therapy started with a special Malay cocktail made of herbs found in the nearby rainforest and consumed for their vigor and vitality properties. My therapist told me she had learned the art of the massage from her mother, who had learned it from her mother before her. My treatment started off with a hand and foot soak, followed by a Malay hair and scalp treatment. Next was a very relaxing massage with long kneading strokes that concentrated on the muscles and pressure points. The oil she used was fragrant and made with herbs to stimulate my circulation. She said I would start sweating in about an hour, and just about an hour later, as I was walking along the deserted beach picking up seashells I began to sweat profusely. To cool off, I dove into the brilliant emerald South China Sea for a quick refreshing swim.

All day long, I had noticed that the staff was setting up something on the beach. There were torches stuck in the sand encircling chairs and a table, and what looked like the makings of a bonfire. Little did I know, GM Adrian Chung had arranged for us to enjoy a traditional five-course Malaysian dinner just a few feet from the surf. We feasted on grilled prawns, mango soup and grilled beef. How he arranged the full, burnt-orange harvest moon, is anyone’s guess. Mr. Chung shared with us the inspiration for the evening. Not only is Tanjong Jara about pampering, it is also about exceeding expectations and making memories. Usually, dinners on the beach are reserved for couples celebrating their honeymoon. When Chung joined the resort almost two years ago, he decided that memories and romance were for everyone, dinners on the beach included, and set about creating a memorable honeymoon package.

Each honeymoon couple has a private, torch-lit dinner on the beach, a couples’ massage followed by a flower bath, and a private dinner on their balcony. The couple also receives traditional Malaysian gifts and they get to select a tree that will be planted at the resort in their honor. A beautiful wooded marker identifies the tree and includes the couples names and date. As a special treat, each year on their anniversary, a photo of their honeymoon tree is sent to the happy couple.

The best time to visit Tanjong Jara Resort and Spa Village is April through July. A short three and a half hour drive northeast of Kuala Lumpur is the island resort of Pangkor Laut Resort and Spa Village. It really is a whole island devoted to pampering. The traditional Malaysian fishing villages we passed on our boat ride from the mainland inspired many parts of the resort’s design. With land being precious for farming, many native villages are built over water.

In the Spa Village section of the resort, rooms are actually chalets built over the water on stilts, which afforded privacy and luxury. Be sure to take a bubble bath in your room and look out the windows into the emerald green waters that frequently host fishing boats plowing the waters for tonight’s dinner. Above the tub, in the middle of the ceiling is a rain showerhead, for that safe, rain forest shower experience.

The island resort has many beautiful locations. To view the perfect sunset, trek through the virgin rain forest that covers most of the island to the beach at Emerald Bay. Seeing the emerald water from the treetops is a breathtaking sight. Once on the pale pink beach, all one has to do to get something to eat or drink, is raise ones hand. One of the gracious staff members is more than happy to bring you your heart’s desire as you lounge on the beach.

My first day on the island started with a yoga session. The stretching was a salve for my travel-worn muscles and it also woke up my appetite. Breakfast at the Jamu Bar overlooking the swimming pool and the sea inspired me to go jungle trekking with Uncle Yip, the resident floral, fauna and wildlife expert.

Uncle Yip, while a spry man with a happy smile, seems to be one with the jungle itself, and knows its’ inhabitants like they were his children. He shared his knowledge freely and even challenged us to think about what we were seeing. Like the prehistoric spiky palm tree, why did it have such razor sharp spikes up and down its trunk — to protect its young shoots from being eaten. What were the big black bag like things hanging in the trees — fruit bats with a two-foot wingspan. For the chocolate lovers among us, he opened a cacao pod to show us the green seeds, which first have to be dried before they can be roasted and ground into chocolate. Showing us the abundance of the forest, Uncle Yip shared with us why there are still native aboriginal Indians living in Malaysian rainforests because all they have to do is walk outside their homes and find all manner of incredible foods.

After a lunch on the beach, it was spa time. The first treatment was Pangkor Laut’s unique Bath House Ritual, exercising various Asian bathing customs. After changing into a Batik sarong, a soothing footbath was followed by a Chinese Foot Pounding that had been enjoyed by the concubines of Chinese Emperors to keep their feet tiny.

The Bath House structure itself features a large stonewalled courtyard blooming with gingers, with a brilliant blue pool at its’ center. On the edge of the pool are four large urns from which water bubbles and cascades into the pool. This could be the most romantic pool on earth and I had it all to myself.

The Bath House complex is made up of several private, open-air gazebo-like treatment rooms, tucked inside hidden gardens. The next treatment was a traditional Japanese-style cleansing with a “goshi-goshi” cloth. After my skin was exfoliated from head to toe, came a dip in a heated Rotenburu pool that was made of rounded river stones. I could have stayed there until I wrinkled up to nothing while I enjoyed a calming tea — and my treatments continued. Up next was an Ayurvedic treatment, an ancient Indian healing tradition that strengthens the internal organs, nervous system, muscles, bones and regulates the digestive system. Before lying on a wooden table for my treatment, I had to trade in my sarong for a loincloth, (my first and very unlike what Tarzan wore!) Suitably dressed for the occasion, I was laid out and basted in medicated oils and herbs, from head to toe. A traditional Indian rejuvenating massage followed. The masseur ran his hands in rapid strokes the entire length of my legs, arms and torso. I felt like a greased pig at the state fair. To remove the oil after the treatment, I was vigorously rubbed with an herbal paste made with tea leaves, followed by a warm shower and a nap.

The best time to visit Pangkor Laut Resort and Spa Village is December through July. A short boar ride to the mainland and a three-hour drive up the highest mountain in Malaysian, we arrived at Cameron Highlands Resort and Spa Village. The resort is located near one of the oldest rainforest on Earth, where wild orchids and lilies bloomed beside the road. We were greeted by Scotsman Ross Sanders, the guest relations manager of Cameron Highland, which was appreciate, since English gentry in search of tea settled this part of Malaysia, and everything about Cameron Highlands is about tea, high tea, hot tea, and tea baths.

The ever gracious Sanders hosted us to High Tea, with a Malaysia twist. After gorging ourselves on fresh strawberries the size of goose eggs, and scones three inches tall, we feasted on Sates and little purse pockets filled with spicy chicken.

My Cameron Highlands spa treatment started with a tea bath. A large, footed white porcelain tub filled with hot water and rose petals, kaffir limes and tea leaves turned into my favorite place to nap. With headphones, neck pillow and the soothing waters, I caught 20 z’s. The massage that followed was primarily Swedish, except for the part where I had to sit up so he could massage my back.

I got the giggles when he had me turn over onto my stomach, and after placing a warm towel on my back, he brought out some wooden dowels. They squeaked like mice as he ran them up and down my back. My masseur said “laughter, good for you.”

Sanders also hosted us to cocktails later that afternoon, and asked us to participate in the Fire Lighting Ceremony in the Highlands Bar. As tradition holds it, Jim Thompson, the legendary silk tycoon who disappeared on a walk one Sunday afternoon, never to be heard from again, used to invite his guests to light the evening fire. Cameron Highlands reintroduced this tradition nightly as another way to enhance the guest experience and to create memories.

After two weeks of pampering, massages and feasting on delicacies, I was refreshed, rejuvenated and decompressed and ready for the modern world. Now, where is that Blackberry?

The best time to visit Cameron Highlands and Spa Village is December through July. To see the wild orchids in bloom, visit April through May and have the concierge book you a day with local guide Bob, for a tree climbing exploration of all things flora and fauna.

Trip Resources: Malaysia Airlines (www malaysiaairlines.com) flies to Kuala Lumpur daily from Los Angles. Houston is the second busiest gateway to Malaysia. All resorts are part of the YTL Hotels & Properties Group (www ytlhotels.com). Mr. Dace was a guest of Malaysia Airlines and YTL Hotels & Properties. Mr. Dace is the Epicurean Publicist. He does lunch for a living.

Quiet Community Contributor

Local philanthropist Glen Rosenbaum is honored for a lifetime of help

We live in the age of branding. Our baseball team plays at Minute Maid Park and our football team at the Reliant Center. Many of our performing arts centers bear someone’s name: the Wortham Theater Center, the Hobby Center for the Performing Arts, the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion. Still, there are people whose names you never see on buildings, but whose generosity with money, time and talent has touched all of our lives. One of those people is Glen Rosenbaum.

Without Rosenbaum, many local, state, national and even global nonprofit organizations wouldn’t be where they are today. One of the top tax attorneys in the state of Texas, Rosenbaum has been with Vinson &Elkins, LLP for 33 years. He has been listed in The Best Lawyers in America for his work in tax law and as a “Texas Super Lawyer” in Texas Monthly.

His friends know he spends countless hours at his office. Sandy Sanford, who worked with Rosenbaum at Vinson &Elkins, recalls that one night at about 8, he realized he needed information from something he had left on his desk at the office. Sanford says his 10-year-old daughter asked him, “‘Why don’t you call Glen?’ She knew he’d be there, finishing up.”

Rosenbaum’s dogged legal work has reaped untold benefits for Houston and Texas taxpayers, while his pro bono efforts have helped provide access for Houston residents who desperately need food and health care, and truly appreciate sports and the performing arts. He led the Vinson &Elkins team that helped develop the Wortham Theater Center; and as Houston Grand Opera General Director and CEO Anthony Freud says, he “played a pivotal role” in the Wortham Center being the home of Houston’s opera and ballet companies. “It was an invaluable contribution to building the Houston Grand Opera,” Freud says, “and by implication … to the people and city of Houston.”

As proud as he is of Houston and what it has to offer, Rosenbaum takes little credit for what he does and never seeks the limelight. In fact, he says the credit goes to others for the community work he does. “This community has been wonderful to my family and me since my great-great-uncle came to Houston in the 1850s and also since my father arrived in 1937,” Rosenbaum says. “I have a strong sense of obligation to give back.”

That obligation extends beyond organizations to family and friends. Rosenbaum has many friends and is “Uncle Glen,” to almost all of their children. He provides them with chocolate every holiday season from a company his cousins own and showers his youngest friends with toys, especially the Lionel trains he loves.

Houston attorney Sarah Duckers credits him with much of what she considers good about her life. Rosenbaum recruited Duckers out of school to work at Vinson &Elkins. She says he taught her “how to be a proper lawyer and how to tend to clients,” and introduced her to the opera and to her husband, 11th District Court Judge Mark Davidson. Both Duckers and Davidson say Rosenbaum is a “tremendous friend,” who’ll do anything for them.

In fact, he helped them get chicken from restaurateur Vincent Mandola at 8 a.m. because that’s what Duckers was craving after the birth of their second child. Davidson says, “Glen told me: ‘Go to the back door of Vincent’s restaurant, and Vincent will have the chicken for you.’ So I did, and when Vincent handed me the chicken, he said, ‘Tell Mr. Rosenbaum congratulations on the birth of his son!'”

Another friend who has benefited from knowing Rosenbaum is Masterprize-winning composer Chris Theofanidis. He says Rosenbaum not only financed much of his arts education after his father died, but also encouraged him every step of the way; and he adds Rosenbaum has done the same for many aspiring artists. “There is a long list of people who have gone and pursued careers in the arts that may not have done so if Glen had not been there for them at a critical time,” Theofanidis says. Theofanidis dedicated his Masterprize-winning work, “Rainbow Body,” to Rosenbaum.

Rosenbaum has been there at a critical time for others and the organizations they represent, including the Houston Food Bank, the Greater Houston Partnership, Holocaust Museum Houston, Texas Taxpayers and Research Association, the Wortham Center, the Dead Sea Scrolls Foundation (He helped bring the Dead Sea Scrolls to Houston.), the Houston Ballet, the Friends of the World Foundation for AIDS Research and Prevention, and the Anti-Defamation League (ADL).

The ADL is one of the nation’s foremost civil rights organizations, dedicated to fighting anti-Semitism and hatred and working toward fair treatment for everyone. For all his accomplishments, the ADL is honoring Rosenbaum on Nov. 16 with its Torch of Liberty Award. The award is given every year to a leader who gives of himself to the community and who is committed to promoting respect and fighting hatred and bigotry.

Rosenbaum has done this as an ADL board member, board chair and national commissioner. “He has been one of our most supportive and effective board members and board chairs,” says ADL Southwest Regional Director Martin B. Cominsky. “He helped us establish an office in Austin, where there was a great need, and that’s just one example of how effective he is. We’re very proud to be giving him the Torch of Liberty Award.”

While Rosenbaum avoids the limelight, he says he’s pleased to be honored, but he has a very practical reason for serving the community behind the scenes. “There is much to be done,” he says, “and it’s easier and faster to get things done quietly. Then we can move on to the next project.”

Treasured Friends

Working together to help Houston

As we gather around our Thanksgiving tables this November, we will most likely think of everything for which we are thankful. In the count, always, are our friends.

Two friends for whom Houston is very grateful are Cora Sue Mach and Sidney Faust. Together, they are making our city’s reputation for charitable generosity and volunteerism sparkle.

Nothing else
Not too long ago, driving to an event-planning meeting, Sidney said, “We are not volunteering for anything else. Nothing!”

Cora Sue firmly agreed, “Nothing!”

When a call came stating, “We need someone to chair the Champagne reception,” Sidney’s hand shot up instantly, “Oh, Cora Sue and I can do that!” They are both still laughing and still volunteering each other. In fact, as this magazine rolls off the presses, this dynamic duo will be hosting its annual outlandish Halloween party, “The Trick or Treat Toy Party” for Texas Children’s Cancer Center and the Cancer League. (Admission is a toy for a young cancer patient.)

Teaming up
On Nov. 1, Cora Sue and Sidney will serve as speaker liaisons for the Huffington Center on Aging Women’s Health Summit, a luncheon they chaired together in 2004. Later this month, they will be dinner chairs for The Cystic Fibrosis Gala.

These two confident and engaging ladies have taken on quite a lot since they first met in the late ’90s as founding members of BRASS, Baylor Research Advocates for Student Scientists, which raises scholarship funds for young scientists.

Sidney and her husband, Don, were honored as BRASS Angels in 1997, while Cora Sue served as president of the organization from 1998-2000. The BRASS Christmas party will be held at Don and Sidney’s home, as usual. Additionally, they are all active with the Baylor Partnership for Baylor College of Medicine.

The first event Cora Sue and Sidney chaired together was the 1999 Houston Symphony League’s Maestro Collection Fashion Show and Luncheon. Other organizations benefiting from their collaboration since include: Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation, Greater Houston Preservation Alliance, Shepherd School of Music and the Houston Ballet, just to name a few.

“Hard work, but we enjoyed it,” Sidney says of their charity work. “We have lots of laughs and never one misunderstanding. We have a genuine love and respect for one another.”

Cora Sue
Cora Sue is a native Houstonian. Right out of high school, she worked during the day and went to the University of Houston at night. She credits “the great education from the sisters at Incarnate Word Academy” for helping her rise quickly from the steno pool at Southwestern Bell to engineering assistant. She met Harry Mach, a St. Thomas High School graduate, at a Catholic Young Adults function in 1963. Harry worked with his family’s business, started by his father in 1953.

Cora Sue volunteered at her children’s schools, the March of Dimes and Inner City Catholic Schools, but really got going in the volunteer/charity world after meeting Sidney. Part of what makes it all work is the fact “that Harry and Don bonded early on,” Cora Sue shares, describing their husbands as the “unsung heroes” of the ladies’ charity work.

The Mach’s joy centers on their family: sons, Butch and Steve; daughters-in-law, Carmen and Joella; and their five grandchildren. “My greatest reward is in watching our children reach out to the community and assume leadership roles in worthwhile community activities,” Cora Sue explains.

Yet, observation shows that her greatest joy might well be grandmotherhood! Cora Sue and Sidney’s grandchildren are the same ages and love to play together. Dec. 2 will find them playing at the Symphony League’s Magical Musical Morning “Penguin Parade Fiesta,” which Cora Sue is chairing.

Sidney
Sidney Faust is a native of Longview, Texas. Her mother, a librarian, was concerned about Sidney’s stage fright so, “my mother made me take speech in high school,” she says. “I would have taken anything but speech. I studied voice for nine years and was frequently asked to sing solos around town, but it was always an ordeal. I more or less got over stage fright, but was never comfortable singing — dancing was fine.”

At Kilgore Junior College, Sidney was a member of the famous Rangerettes. After graduating from North Texas University in speech and drama, and doing graduate work at the University of Colorado, Sidney taught in several Texas school districts. She settled in Baytown, where she was active in the community, before marrying Don Faust, owner of Faust Distributing, and moving to Houston.

This year, Sidney is chaplain for the Salvation Army Women’s Auxiliary and president of the River Oaks Rose Club, among many other charitable commitments. “My husband’s love and constant support make all my endeavors possible,” she says. Her family is all-encompassing, as she includes, “three stepchildren, grandchildren, two bearded collies and treasured friends.”

“Treasured friends,” accurately describes Sidney Faust and Cora Sue Mach. Where such friendship exists, everyone is blessed — so let us all be thankful!

Keep ‘Em Flying

The Lone Star Flight Museum in Galveston brings history to life

You can smell the motor oil as the ground crew hustles to get the giant war machine ready for takeoff. As they finish, the crew chief signals the pilot, who gives a thumbs-up and speaks into his radio. Then the bomber’s four 1,200-horsepower, radial-piston engines come roaring to life, and the B-17 Flying Fortress moves down the runway, gaining speed until it finally lifts off. It’s not what most people would consider a typical day at the museum.

“The thing that distinguishes us from other museums of our type is that we have living airplanes. It’s not a dead museum,” says Larry Gregory, president of the Lone Star Flight Museum. Located at the Galveston International Airport near Moody Gardens, the museum houses a collection of more than 40 historically significant aircraft in working order. “That’s the key: that you can see these 60-plus-year-old machines still flying. When you come to the museum, oftentimes you’ll see us working on them.”

Flying high
The museum is also home to the Texas Aviation Hall of Fame, which commemorates individuals for their significant contributions to the development, growth or preservation of aviation. Among the 53 Texans currently honored in the hall are Alan Bean, the only Texan to walk on the moon; John Young, commander of the first space shuttle mission; aviation pioneer Howard Hughes; and barnstormer Bessie Coleman, who is recognized as America’s first black aviatrix.

Some Hall of Fame inductees are more famous for their achievements outside the cockpit. These include Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry, “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry, President George H.W. Bush and Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, all of whom flew in combat during World War II. “We try to cover the full gamut of aviation,” says Gregory. “It’s not just astronauts, it’s not just war heroes; it’s engineers, it’s entrepreneurs, and it’s barnstormers.”

Bright skies
The Hall of Fame will induct four new members on Saturday, Nov. 11. Festivities will begin at 6 p.m. with a cocktail reception and will continue with dinner and the induction ceremony. On Nov. 12, the fun continues with Fly Day, the museum’s last flying event of the year.

Fly Day is pretty much like any other day at the Flight Museum, except that many of the museum’s World War II planes — including the B-17 and B-25 bombers; the SBD Dauntless dive bomber; and the Spitfire, Hellcat and Corsair fighters — will be taking off and landing continuously throughout the afternoon. Gregory says that Fly Day does not feature aerobatics like the air show that the museum hosts each spring, but it is a chance for the public to tour the museum and see these magnificent flying machines in action.

The Lone Star Flight Museum and Texas Aviation Hall of Fame are open every day of the year except Christmas. On Fly Day, the museum will open at 9 a.m., and the planes will fly from noon through mid-afternoon.

Lone Star Flight Museum
2002 Terminal Drive, Galveston
(409) 740-7722
www.lonestarflight.org

A Texas-Size Feast

Thousands expected at annual Thanksgiving meal

How would you like to share an intimate Thanksgiving dinner with thousands of your closest friends? If helping others is your way of giving thanks, join your neighbors in volunteering to make Thanksgiving a little brighter for less fortunate Houstonians. A tradition that is now in its 28th year, the City Wide Club of Clubs’ annual Thanksgiving Feast will be held at the George R. Brown Convention Center on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 23.

When the club first began the project of giving holiday meals to poverty-stricken Houstonians in 1978, the meals were prepared in people’s homes. As the event grew over the years, larger facilities, such as hotels, were needed to accommodate the crowds. When the event outgrew those venues, it moved to the convention center. Between 35,000 and 40,000 people are expected to attend this year’s feast.

Everyone who comes is welcomed, fed and encouraged to apply for services that the organization provides year-round. “We offer so much more than just food at the feast,” explains Stephanie Lewis, project director for CWCC. “There is medical assistance available. We have information on housing, employment opportunities and educational opportunities.” Lewis adds that food baskets with two or three days’ worth of provisions will be available for people to take home after the gathering. “We try to address everything that we can while we have everybody in one spot.”

CWCC was founded in 1975 and chartered in 1985. The organization strives to provide services for the less fortunate, such as rent and utility assistance, clothing, job training, and tutoring and recreation after-school programs for children. Though assistance is offered at several locations throughout Houston, the City Wide Club of Clubs’ headquarters is the community center at 3229 Hadley in the Third Ward.

Past volunteer servers have included Mayor Bill White, Reps. Al Green and Sheila Jackson Lee, and President George H.W. Bush. You can volunteer to set up or serve meals by calling (713) 752-2582 or (713) 528-4712. As a volunteer, you will be invited to partake in this special meal. You can schedule to work a shift anytime between 7 a.m. and 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day, so you won’t have to miss your own family gathering.

Dickens on the Strand, Wilde in the Streets

Oscar Wilde once journeyed deep in the heart of Texas — But apparently total absence makes the heart grow fonder

© Clifford Crouch, 2006

ON A SUNDAY MORNING IN JUNE 1882, drowsy readers opened their copies of the Galveston Daily News to find the following announcement:

PAVILION
TO-MORROW EVENING.
ONE NIGHT ONLY.
LECTURE, DECORATIVE ART.
PRICES 50 AND 75 CENTS.

The notice did not even print the name of its star subject but, instead, merely displayed the line-drawn portrait of an elegant, long-haired young man, under which was the scrawled signature: “Yours truly, Oscar Wilde.”

Only 27 years old at the time, the Anglo-Irish literary icon was in the earliest stages of a brilliant, if meteoric, career. (He would be dead at 46.) Wilde, not long out of Oxford, had published but a single, slender volume of poetry the previous year. Yet he was already an international celebrity.

From the very start, Wilde possessed (in the words of one biographer) “a genius for being recognized and talked about.” Indeed, the musical team of Gilbert &Sullivan was sponsoring his visit to the United States as a way to publicize the American production of their latest comic opera, “Patience.” Wilde was popularly viewed as the prototype for the opera’s hero, Bunthorne, an effeminate dandy.

Wilde had arrived in New York on Jan. 2, 1882. As his celebrity grew, his engagements multiplied, and he ultimately wound up spending that entire year speaking throughout the U.S. He toured, however, not so much as a poet, but as a self-appointed apostle of Britain’s so-called Aesthetic Movement, which preached the gospel of “Art for Art’s Sake.”

In April, heading back east after several California speeches, Wilde notified his manager: “I have received a good offer for two months’ light lecturing in the South, which I am anxious to visit.” Arrangements were promptly made. Reporters trailed Wilde about like modern paparazzi. They invariably noted with surprise his height (over six feet), his build (large and “manly”), and his straight, shoulder-length hair.

ON MONDAY, JUNE 19, OSCAR WILDE arrived in Galveston, at that time the state’s largest and most cosmopolitan city, with a population of more than 20,000. San Antonio followed close on its heels, while Houston lagged considerably behind. Wilde had composed a new lecture, “Decorative Art,” for this leg of his tour and would use it in all three cities.

Wilde spoke that evening at the Pavilion — also sometimes called the Electric Pavilion, as it was the first building in the city to be wired for electricity. Unfortunately, there was a problem, or rather more than one, as the Galveston Daily News ruefully confessed the next morning:

A large audience, composed for the most part of ladies, assembled at the Pavilion last night to listen to Mr. Oscar Wilde. Owing to a break in the circuit, the electric light did not illumine the vast building for a length of time. Another disturbing element existed in the presence of a motley crowd of persons intent upon drowning the voice of the lecturer …

Like all the newspapers, the Daily News was more fascinated by Wilde’s clothes than his ideas:

The veritable Oscar … appeared before the audience clad in an elegant attire, the most striking features of which were the knee breeches of the days of our grandfathers, and a profusion of frills.

While his delivery was poor, yet those who could hear what he said give him credit for a thorough familiarity with the topic. He professes to be a strong advocate of high art, and urges its cultivation by all classes …

Wilde next spoke in San Antonio, where he stayed at the Menger, a magnificent hotel still extant and in operation today. Wilde spoke Wednesday evening. The San Antonio Daily Express duly reported on Thursday:

The lecture itself was interesting and was listened to with great attention … [He] recommended the building of beautiful cities and homes in which to dwell, and gave it as his opinion that there were other and greater pleasures in this life than the American plan of pursuing unceasingly the art or struggle of money getting …

Outside of his personal appearance … we can recall nothing to ridicule, even though we were so disposed.

After seeing the sights of San Antonio, including the Alamo (then much neglected), Wilde returned by rail to Houston, where he spoke on Friday, June 23 at Gray’s Opera House, where he was heckled much as he had been in Galveston. The editors of the Houston Daily Post mulled over this strange young British phenomenon and waited until their Sunday edition (June 25) to give their considered critique.

The man is strong in his peculiar way, highly educated, and quite rational as to his principles … [But] Mr. Wilde’s manner is plainly and deplorably bad … Mr. Wilde has not one scintilla of the orator in his composition … no humor — no passion and no beauty, except that of decent and sometimes exquisite language and unquestionable reach of imagination … Therefore, while Mr. Wilde is not in any way an orator, he does possess … ease and elevation of thought, and exceeding beauty in the manipulation of language …

Wilde would depart Texas to the east, continuing his tour of the South through Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, the Carolinas and Virginia over the next several weeks. The poet would be more generous and gracious to Texas than it had been to him. The New Orleans Daily Picayune reported his recollections on Sunday, June 25:

There are in Texas two spots which gave me infinite pleasure. These are Galveston and San Antonio. Galveston, set like a jewel in a crystal sea, was beautiful. Its fine beach, its shady avenues of oleander, and its delightful sea breezes were something to be enjoyed. It was in San Antonio, however, that I found more to please me in the beautiful ruins of the old Spanish mission churches and convents, and in the relics of Spanish manners and customs impressed upon the people and the architecture of that city …

OSCAR WILDE WOULD LEAVE AMERICA for Europe at the close of December 1882. Over the next decade, he secured his literary reputation with the novel “The Picture of Dorian Gray;” a handful of marvelous fairy tales for children, such as “The Selfish Giant” and “The Happy Prince;” and, finally, a series of sparkling stage comedies, including “Lady Windermere’s Fan” and “The Importance of Being Earnest.”

At last, in 1895, grown arrogant with literary and social success, Wilde inexplicably insisted on becoming embroiled in a horrific sexual scandal. Legal proceedings that Wilde himself initiated soon boomeranged back upon him; and after three nasty trials — in court and in public opinion — he was found guilty of “gross indecency” and sentenced to two years of hard labor in an English prison. Emerging with his health and social reputation ruined, Wilde went into self-imposed exile on mainland Europe, finally settling in Paris. He managed to complete a last masterpiece, a poem, “The Ballad of Reading Gaol;” and then he died on Nov. 30, 1900, shortly after being baptized into the Catholic faith.

Despite the fall of their creator, Wilde’s literary works have never lost their reputation, nor their ability to charm and thrill. Oscar Wilde remains one of the most quoted writers in the English language; his witticisms and aphorisms are often echoed: “What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.” “I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other’s character before marriage, which I think is never advisable.” “Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.” “I can resist everything except temptation.” “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

All of this serves to explain why Galveston will shortly observe its 33rd annual celebration of literary genius — by which I mean, of course, “Dickens on the Strand,” a festival that pays perennial tribute to “The Man Who Wasn’t There.”

ON THE SPECTRUM OF HISTORICAL REALITY, Dickens on the Strand rests hazily somewhere between the faithful recreation of Virginia’s “Colonial Williamsburg” and the make-believe world of Disney’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride.

While Charles Dickens did indeed visit the United States, he never came close to Galveston. During his first (and sole extensive) tour of North America, in 1842, the novelist only once came within several hundred miles of it, when he stopped in Cairo, Illinois, on the banks of the Mississippi. Dickens later described the riverside town in his 1843 travel book, “American Notes:”

A breeding place of fever, ague, and death … A dismal swamp, on which the half-built houses rot away … the hateful Mississippi circling and eddying before it, and turning off upon its southern course a slimy monster hideous to behold; a hotbed of disease, an ugly sepulchre, a grave uncheered by any gleam of promise; a place without one single redeeming quality, in earth or air or water, to commend it: such is this dismal Cairo …

Dickens also described the people he encountered there in this fashion, in a private letter to his British friend John Forster: “The people here are exceedingly obliging. Their demeanour in these country parts is invariably morose, sullen, clownish, and repulsive …” Perhaps it is just as well, all things considered, that Charles Dickens never visited Galveston. He might have made the 1900 hurricane seem charitable in comparison.

AND SO GALVESTON does not possess a factual claim upon Dickens. As it happens, Galveston’s heyday as a Southern metropolis did span the 19th century, but little of the magnificent historical architecture that adorns the present-day city actually dates from Dickens’ lifetime. Most of early Galveston was constructed of wood, rather than brick or stone; and over the course of the 1800s, repeated hurricanes and fires destroyed large sections of the seaport, finally climaxed by the catastrophic 1900 hurricane. While the majority of what still stands may be loosely termed “Victorian-era” architecture, the reign of Queen Victoria was a uniquely long one, running from 1837 to 1901.

Indeed, the Dickens on the Strand festival was created “with affection beaming in one eye, and calculation shining out of the other” (to quote the master himself, in “Martin Chuzzlewit”). It was, from the start, intended as a way to save Galveston’s deteriorating architecture. The first festival, in 1974, was simply called “an Old English Christmas and Hanukkah party.” But the term “Old English” fails to tug at the heartstrings as the name of Dickens does, with its inevitable reminder of that most popular of holiday stories, “A Christmas Carol” — for Dickens on the Strand is finally not about Dickens at all, but about Christmas.

A cynic — that is, someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing — might suggest that Dickens on the Strand is finally about tourism dollars as well, since Galveston gets a major economic boost from the festival each fall. But I would scarcely venture to imply such a cold-hearted sentiment at this time of year, for fear of being labeled a Scrooge.

I WOULD, HOWEVER, draw the kind reader’s attention back to the tragic figure of Oscar Wilde, and to a private letter the young Wilde sent to an American friend, Julia Ward Howe, on July 6, 1882. He exulted:

I write to you from the beautiful, passionate, ruined South, the land of magnolias and music, of roses and romance … living chiefly on credit, and on the memory of some crushing defeats. And I have been to Texas, right to the heart of it, and stayed with Jeff Davis at his plantation (how fascinating all failures are!), and seen Savannah, and the Georgia forests, and bathed in the Gulf of Mexico, and engaged in Voodoo rites with the Negroes, and am dreadfully tired and longing for an idle day …

Surely if we on the Texas Gulf Coast are big-hearted enough to honor annually “The Man Who Wasn’t There,” we can also manage, somehow, to celebrate a Wilde weekend now and then.

What a Colorful Life

Cultural event produces temporary masterpieces and enduring impact

Remember Bert from “Mary Poppins”? Every day, it seems like Bert has a new job – a one-man-band one day, a chimney sweep another – but the business that leads to the most fantastic adventure is when he serves as a street painter. This is where Mary and the children are able to take a “Jolly Holiday.”

What you may not know is that the art of street painting started in Italy in the 16th century. Temporary chalk paintings constructed by transient artists for tips at the foot of cathedrals and in piazzas were meant for the public and, many times, represented Catholic images. These beautiful masterpieces have been documented by authors and in newspapers for centuries, but weather and technologies of the time prevented the actual artwork from being recorded.

Known as madonnari (for their subject matter), street painters have come into the 21st century, expanding their focus, improving their painting mediums and photographing their work for posterity – but because of the nature of the canvas, madonnari continue to travel from festival to festival and town to town to showcase their work. The Association of Madonnari was formed to unite these talented painters, and the annual Garzie di Curtatone street painting competition in Northern Italy was founded in the early 1970s to expose this ancient form of art and the artists that continue to practice it.

If a holiday in Italy this summer is out of the question, you can experience these magical creations in Houston. This month marks the city’s first-ever Via Colori festival downtown. Showcasing more than 150 local and regional artists the weekend of Nov. 18-19, Via Colori invites visitors to embark on their own pictorial adventure at Sam Houston Park and along Allen Parkway. Intent on attracting both art enthusiasts and families, this free fall festival should prove wonderfully entertaining with everything from innovative street paintings to live music, food and drink venues to children’s activities, and a Saturday night Street Party. Intended to be an annual affair, this year’s festival features local painter John Palmer. Additionally, the event benefits The Center for Hearing and Speech, raising funds for the nonprofit organization, as well as awareness for children’s hearing impairments.

“We chose Via Colori after doing a lot of research,” says Lori Grubbs, manager of community relations for The Center for Hearing and Speech. “It is a new and unique event that can reach a broad range of people from all walks of life. It’s such a perfect fit for Houston, which is a festival city and has a wonderful art community.”

In addition to providing a distinct cultural experience, the center hopes to make a difference in the community by educating visitors about hearing problems in children. “One of our biggest challenges is that a lot of people don’t know that children with hearing loss can learn to listen and talk if it’s diagnosed early, so this was a great way to raise those funds and awareness,” Grubbs adds. “We’re really excited about the event for what it is offering and what it’s going to bring to Houston.”

Happy to head up the list of notable artists, Houston native John Palmer is eager to not only showcase his art, but also help The Center for Hearing and Speech in their mission. Completing a canvas work and recreating the image at the festival in a 12-foot-by-12-foot format, Palmer created “The Sound of Art” specifically for The Center for Hearing and Speech and Via Colori. “I like, every year, to pick one charity to focus on, so this is the charity for me that I wrapped my time around,” he says. “And I had a speech problem as a child, so this had even more meaning for me.” Previously chosen as the feature artist for The Periwinkle Foundation’s Making a Mark endeavor with Texas Children’s Hospital, Palmer strives to encourage children to enrich their lives through creative expression. Using bright colors in a free form, he describes his works as escapism and admits that his energetic style is continually evolving as he proceeds to grow as an artist. “I do what I do because I want to affect people in a positive way,” Palmer adds.

Not only will festival-goers be able to see original pieces from Palmer and other painters, but they will also experience the process that the artists undergo to create these temporary works. On Saturday morning at 10, the gates of the festival will open, and the artisans will start their masterpieces. Every lap through the grounds will allow guests to see the progress of the creation, from sketches to final representations. With some street canvases stretching 10-feet-by-10-feet, these paintings should prove a uniquely monumental outdoor gallery.

Young attendees will also be able to join the whimsy at the Via Bambini area of the festival. With age-appropriate and hands-on activities, kids are sure to develop their creativity and imagination. In fact, parents can purchase 2-foot-by-2-foot squares for their little sidewalk artists to compose their own masterpieces, with proceeds going to The Center for Hearing and Speech.

Visit www.viacolori.com/houston for more information on this spectacular event. With so many unique artistic options, plenty of fun, and proceeds benefiting such a wonderful charity, the only word to describe Via Colori comes from Mary Poppins herself: “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!”